


Flat Mates

by KC_darling



Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Abortion, Anger, Comfort Sex, Fluff, Friendship, Love?, Mistakes, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 02:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 45,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5439665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KC_darling/pseuds/KC_darling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sandra moves in with Emma without knowing that she's got a famous brother - until she meets him. They get along really well and become friends. But one memorable evening changes everything. But is there more than just friendship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Meeting

After my long term relationship broke up I decided it was time for a change. I got a new - and actually a better - job at a international event agency in London. All I needed was a place to stay. But nowadays, thanks to the internet that wasn't a big problem. So I flew to London and checked the places out.   
The one I liked most was a big modern apartment in South London. However, from there it would take me over an hour to get to my office! The second one on my list was near the centre but the neighborhood wasn't very nice. The third was very small and overpriced. The fourth was really lovely until the first train drove by. My fifth and last option turned out to be the best. Although I wasn't really keen on sharing my place with someone else. So I went there, it was a semi-detached house which looked really nice from the outside. It even had a small garden. I rang and a young woman opened the door.  
"Hello. I'm Sandra Wittmann. I've called because of the room."  
"Oh, hi. I'm Emma. Nice to meet you. Come in."

The first impression was more than positive, we immediately got along and the place was great. There were even two bathrooms, a huge kitchen and living room. And the room that would be mine was also lovely. Plus it was only 20 minutes from my office by tube and the rent was reasonable. After we had finished our tour through the house Emma asked what I thought and I immediately said I would take it if she wanted me. 

That evening we sat until late night drinking and talking. It turned out she was only a year older than me and we had quite a lot in common, from music to clothing, etc. When I left to go back to my hotel it was already past ten. 

During the following week I brought a bit of my stuff over every evening. Most of my furniture would arrive during the next week and Emma even offered to help me move in. When the day came she had called some of her friends to help and carry all the heavy stuff. I immediately felt welcome.

About a week later I brought my last stuff, like decoration, pictures, posters, CDs, etc. Emma was at an audition as she was an actress, and if you asked me a damn good one. So I had the place for my own, I turned up he music - Bad Blood by Bastille, which we both loved - and decorated my room. I was almost finished as there was a knock on the door and she came in smiling.  
"Hi, how did it go?"  
"Quite well, I think."  
"You've got the job?"  
"I don't know yet."  
I turned back to finish hanging up one of my favorite posters as she started to giggle behind me. Raising my eyebrow I turned towards her. "What?"  
"A Loki poster? Seriously?"  
"Sure!? Why not? Loki's great!"  
"Whatever."  
"Watch out, don't offend Loki!" I jokingly threatened her. "You're more team Thor then, are you? Or do you just hate those superhero flicks?"  
"Neither, I think. Loki's pretty cool, sure. It's just..." Right then her mobile rang and she smiled widely. "Speaking of... Hi brother. What's up?"  
She winked at me and left me to my own devises again. I finished and then went down to the kitchen and made dinner.

A while later she came in looking a bit amused.   
"Mmmmh. That smells great. What is it?"  
"Just some pasta with veggies and bacon."  
"It was a really good decision to let you move in, you know. I fucking hate cooking."  
"Really? I love it, only sometimes it's kind of weird. I'm so hungry when I start and by the time I'm finished I can't eat much."  
"Oh, by the way. What are you doing on Friday evening?"  
"Don't know yet. Why?"  
"I invited my stupid big brother over to dinner and maybe a movie."  
"And I should cook?!"  
"Yes, please! That would be awesome."  
"Okay, fine. Four people then?"  
"No, just three."  
"Didn't you say he had a girlfriend."  
"Nicole? That stupid bitch?! I'll never invite her. I don't know what he sees in her. She's such a superficial, dumb as a rock bitch."  
"She really sounds charming."  
"Yeah. Just to give you an idea: my mum and I planned a surprise birthday party for my brother. She knew about it and guess what she's doing?! She takes him out to dinner!!! When they finally arrived at his house at 10 pm most of the guests, of course, had left by already. And you know what she said? She didn't know anything about it! Stupid cow."  
"Damn cunt."  
"Yep."  
"How long have they been together?"  
"About a year. But if you ask me, she's just using him."  
Yeah, I knew about being used, but when you're in it you can't tell only in retrospective.

Of course Friday was busy as fuck at work and I didn't get out till 5.30 pm. Normal for a Friday would have been between 3 and 4 pm. Thankfully Emma went shopping in the afternoon and started to prepare a bit.  
And as the devil would have it, there had been an accident on the tube line and instead of 20 minutes it took me nearly an hour to get home. And now I should cook?! Fuck! My mood was below zero as I walked up to our front door.

I unlocked the door and started pulling my jacket and shoes off. Hearing Emma in the kitchen I complained "Hey Em. God, what a shit day, let me tell you! You know, the whole week was really easy going and not much to do at work. But as soon as it's Friday and you've got plans the shit piles up on your desk. And when you think you're finished your moron of a boss brings you the next pile. And if that wasn't enough, you go down to the fucking tube just to find that there had been an accident. FUCK!"  
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw someone moving, definitely not Emma. Startled I spun around and nearly fainted. Tom f...ing Hiddleston! What the hell was he doing in our house? My facial expression must have been really stupid as he started to laugh.  
Still chuckling he introduced himself "Hi, I'm Tom, Emma's brother. And you must be Sandra?"  
Staring at him I just nodded. He reached out his hand and like in slow motion I shook it.

"Emma said you wanted to cook some chicken-veggies thing. Whatever that means. So I've been cutting some veggies, but I don't quite know what you were planning."  
I finally got myself together a bit as I whispered "Where is Emma?"  
Right then I heard her come downstairs. "Oh, hey babe. So you guys've met already. Great."

After I had gotten over the shock that Tom Hiddleston was my flat mate's brother, I quickly went up to my room and changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I brushed my hair and went back downstairs where Tom was in the kitchen and cutting a pepper while Emma sat on one of the chairs watching him.

“You can't be serious Em! You invited him over and then you watch him cook?”  
“Oh, that's alright. He likes cooking.”  
“But still! Come on! Please just take a seat somewhere and let me do that.”  
He grinned at us both and said “Well, that's how it always goes down when my little sis invites me. I end up cooking while she sits on her lazy ass and watches.”  
“Oh, come on Tom, that's not fair!”  
He shrugs his shoulders and smiles at me lifting his eyebrows. Soooo cute!  
I got the chicken from the fridge, washed it and started cutting it.

“You know, Tom has always been a prig. He always helped mum in the kitchen and she would come to me and our sister 'why don't you take your brother as an example, he is always so helpful'. Sometimes we really hated him.”  
“Thanks Emma.”  
“And then he would play stupid pranks on us and when we told mum, she never believed us. One time I was at a friends place with Sarah, our sister, we got back home and wanted to play with our dolls in my room. We opened the box where they usually were in, just to find three huge spiders in it!!!”  
Tom started to laugh his signitare “ehehehehehe”. Emma looked so pissed. I could imagine how they would have run away screaming their lungs out as I would have as well.  
“And then we went to mum and told her and she was just like 'Tommy would never do that. If you ask him nicely, I'm sure he'll catch the spiders and bring them out.' He was always her little angel. Curly hair and everything!”  
“Tommy? Seriously?” Now I was the one laughing and soon Emma joined in.  
“Girls!”

Right then his phone went off.  
“Hello?” - “Oh, hi darling.” - “What do you mean, where am I?” - “I told you I would be at my sister's.” Emma rolled her eyes and mouthed “the bitch” at me, I just giggled.  
“Well, you could order something or go out.” - “No, I'm not coming home right now. I haven't seen Emma in a while, you know.” - “Listen, we have the whole day tomorrow.” - “Whatever. Then go back to your place.” - “I've told you last week.” - “Yes, I did!” He was getting louder now and you really could see he was getting angry. “Do what you like. I'm gonna hang up now. Bye.”  
He didn't wait for an answer and ended the call inhaling deeply.

“I don't know what you see in her Tom. You deserve someone better.”  
“Emma, please. I know you don't like her and you don't have to. We're happy. Okay?!”  
“Didn't sound like it.” They both stared angry at each other.  
“Please, just...”  
“How do you guys fancy some music?” I interrupted turning the stereo on.  
“Great idea.” Tom smiled thankfully at me. I put on a mix of my favorite songs and soon all three of us were singing and dancing.

“What are we cooking anyway?” He asked as I put the chicken in a pan to roast it.  
“Thai curry with rice.”  
“Sounds good.” His phone went off again and this time he was the one rolling his eyes. “For fuck's sake. Hello darling.” - “It's alright, I'm not angry.” - “I love you too.” Emma made a puking gesture and I giggled, warning Tom looked at her. “Yes. Okay. Probably late, I don't know yet.” - “You don't have to stay up and wait.” - “We're cooking.” - “Yes, well. Her friend and me basically.” - “No. Yes. But you are...” - “No, I won't.” - “Be reasonable, darling.” - “Okay. Bye.”

“What the hell was that?”  
“Well, looks like Nicole doesn't like you either. And she's worried that you want to hook me up with Sandra.”  
“Hmm, good idea.”  
“Emma,” I protested.  
“Come on Sands. I know you kind of fancy him and you two would be a way better couple then Nicole and him.”  
Embarrassed I blushed from head to toe.  
“Emmy please lets just not talk about Nicole, okay? I just want to have a nice evening with you two. All right?” He also looked a bit embarrassed now. I just nodded and Emma soon joined in.  
“Okay. Lets forget all about her!”  
Tom wanted to say something but Emma waved him off and turned the volume up and the mood improved immediately.

We ate mostly in silence, Tom complementing me on my cooking skills. We were absolutely stuffed and didn't really want to move.  
“So we've cooked and Emma's gonna clean up now.”  
“Brilliant idea Sandra.”  
“What? You're kidding me!”  
We both shook our heads and said at the same time “NO!”  
Swearing she cleaned the table and put the stuff into the dishwasher while Tom and I walked over to the living room looking for a movie to watch.  
I soon held one of my favorites in hands Disney's Lilo and Stitch.  
Questioningly he rose his eyebrow. “Seriously?”  
“Yeah, sure. I love it. You know, Stitch actually reminds me of Loki in a way.” Sceptically he looked at me. “Well, he was also cast out only that he found someone who loved and cared for him, no matter how evil he was. Basically I think Loki just needs someone who gives him a hug and likes him the way he is.”  
Chuckling lightly he answered “You know, you might actually be right.”

We had a great evening and after watching Lilo and Stitch we watched Paul together and had real fun. When Tom left it was already 1 am, he hugged me and kissed me on the cheeks saying “Absolute pleasure to meet you. Maybe we can repeat that one day. It was really fun. Good night you two.”

After he had left Emma and I cleaned up a bit before going to bed.  
“You know Sands, I wasn't joking. You two would really be a lovely couple and I think he likes you, a lot.”  
“Don't be ridiculous. He was just nice.”  
“I don't know about that. Come on lets go to bed.”

It took me ages to fall asleep, by 2.30 am I was still awake thinking about the hug and the soft kisses, my pussy was soaked. I couldn't believe I had met him and had gotten along with him so well. In real live he was even more beatiful than on screen. Damn.  
I masturbated thinking about how his lean body had pressed against mine, how he smelled and how his soft lips had felt against my skin.  
Finally after I came, I could sleep dreaming about a tall, handsome man making me scream...


	2. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a quick chapter about their friendship growing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently I'm also writing another fic which will be pure smut...

The weeks went by and Tom would come round occassionally and hang out or we would go to his place. He was like a brother in a way.   
Then one day my boss came to me and told me we would organize a big movie premiere and I would be in charge of everything. When he told me which movie I nearly screamed. Tom's new movie! I couldn't wait to tell Emma. Tom was away shooting and would be for another four weeks at least. I was so excited. Immediately I started planning the whole thing talking to the production company, booking the venue for the after party, arranging the catering, etc.

Sooner than I wanted the day of the premiere came and for almost a week before I barely slept. Emma had told her brother and he told me on the phone that he was sure it would be fantastic. I even got an invitation for Emma but she couldn't go because she had to shoot.

So on the big day I got my new dark blue dress out of the closet, fixed my hair and make-up and took a cap to Leicester Square where my team was already at work. We still had three hours but it was mayhem. Finally, right on time when the first stars arrived, everything was settled. I had changed into the dress, put on my headphones and tried to organize the whole thing. I was just speaking to one of the producers who was quite happy with everything so far when loud squeaking caught my attention. Tom, of course. The crowd was going nuts as he got out of the car and started posing for pics and signing autographs.   
And as usually he looked absolutely stunning wearing a black suit with a red tie. I was focused on getting the most important people to their seats when my assistant's voice who was with the journalists blurred in my ear "Where the fuck is Hiddleston? All stars have posed for pics and given interviews except him."  
"He must be somewhere, I've seen him arrive. I'll go and look."

I went out on the square and it didn't take me long to find him. He was still signing and doing selfies. His PR guy looking really pissed. I walked over to him, the movie would start playing in about 15 minutes so it was about time to get him in.  
"Hi, I'm Sandra. I..."  
"Sandra, sweety. Hi. How are you? You look amazing!" Tom had obviously seen me and was coming straight at me pulling me in for a tight hug.  
"Hi, Tom. I'm great, a bit stressed maybe. Thanks and you look great, too. I know you love your fans but you've got to give some interviews as well and the movie will start soon."  
"Oh, yes sure. Sorry. I lost time, I guess. Will I see you at the after party?"  
"Sure."  
We hugged again, he waved at the fans and walked casually over to the journalists.

Half an hour later I was standing at the back of the cinema watching the start of the movie. Now I finally could relax, at least for a bit.  
The movie was great and Tom fantastic as usually.  
Afterwards my team and me had to get everybody into the right limosines. Before everyone was gone I had to get to the location of the afterparty which was only about five minutes to drive. Once there the stress began anew. When everyone was partying I was running about organizing stuff.   
Finally the party was going and I could relax. Exhausted I leaned at the wall between kitchen and toilets. I couldn't wait to get home, get out of those high heels and fall into bed.   
"There you are hiding!"  
"Hi Tom. The movie was absolutely fantastic."  
"Thanks. So was the premiere and the party. Great job."  
"Thanks." He leaned against the wall right next to me, his tie was gone and his shirt a bit sweaty. "I suppose you were dancing a bit?"  
"Ehehehe. Might be true."  
"How was the shoot?"  
"It was real fun actually." We stayed silent for a while just relaxing. "Come on, I want to dance with you!"  
He gripped my hand and tugged me out on the dance floor with him. First I was paralized out of shock, but as soon as the music started again we started to move to the beat. It's no secret that Tom is a good dancer and we had so much fun. Finally I was totally exhausted, my feet were killing me and I could have fallen asleep dancing in his arms.  
"I think I'll be off. It was a long day. Thanks for the dance - s."  
"Let me bring you home then. It's late anyway."  
Looking around us I realized we were pretty much the last people there. I got my bag and we got into the limosine that would take us home.   
Cuddled against Tom's shoulder I immediately dozed off inhaling his scent.  
Soon we were at my place and I blinked my eyes as the car stopped. I raised my head lightly and looked at Tom whose eyes were fixed on my cleavage. Looking down I noticed shocked that the fabric had shifted and my entire right breast was exposed only covered in the thin fabric of my bra. Casually I fixed it again which brought him back in the here and now.  
"I'm sorry."  
"It's alright. Thanks for bringing me home."  
"My pleasure. Good night Sandra."  
"Good night Tom."  
I got out of the car and into the house waving at him as they sped off. My room was dark and I didn't bother to turn on the light. Shedding my clothes I thought about taking a shower but that could wait until the morning. Naked as I was I got into bed closing my eyes. Immediately Tom's lustful glare came back to me and I automatically pressed my thighs together. His smell, his muscly shoulder...

The weeks went by and in two weeks it was Christmas. As usually my mum went to Jamaica, my dad celebrated with his new family, my brother had his own family by now and Emma had a new boyfriend. Great! Well, I would just stay in bed in my pyjamas and listen to some music. Or I also could go on holidays, only they charged at least the double over Christmas. My plans for lonely holidays in my room were interfered, however, as a week beforehand Emma's boyfriend said he would stay with his family in Manchester.  
"Damn, I was really looking forward to spending the time with him. But looks like we're all going to Tom's anyway. You have to come, too. Otherwise I can't guarentee that Nicole will survive it."  
"I don't know. It's your family, not mine. That would be kind of weird. I'd rather stay at home."  
"Oh no! You can't stay on your own, it's Christmas."  
"I've never really liked it anyway. Probably because of my disfunctional family. It was always more fighting than anything else."  
"So, it's time to change that!"  
I didn't want to discuss it any further so I just kept quiet and I just wouldn't go.

Two days later I was just walking up to our front door after work when Tom came out.  
"Hi Sandra!" As always he hugged me and I hugged him back.  
"How are you Tom?"  
"Great, thanks. And you?"  
"Good. Just a lot of work before the holidays."  
"Yeah, speaking of. You will come over, won't you?"  
"I don't know. I mean it's really nice of you to invite me but I don't want to be the fifth wheel."  
"But you aren't. And you don't want to be alone, do you?"  
"I'm not. I've got Angus." Tom rose his brow questioningly. "Angus McMoo, my plush Highland Cow."  
A huge smile spread on his face as well as on mine.  
"Please, I actually could use some help in the kitchen. Emma said she would but you know her."  
"Yes, of c..." There were three honks from a car, in surprise we both spun around just to see that a young woman, probably Nicole, was angryly waving at us. Wow, she was really beautiful, no wonder Tom was with her. If I was a guy...  
Smiling I waved at her but she only glared at me angryly, crossed her arms and turned away. So Emma was right, she was a bitch.  
I looked back at Tom who looked apologetic at me.  
"So what do you say?"  
"What about her?" I pointed over my shoulder where she was waiting in his Jag.  
"Well, Emma is actually a bigger help in the kitchen than Nicole. So, please." He used his best puppy eyes on me and my heart melted.  
"Okay, fine."  
"Fantastic, thank you." He threw his arms around me and kissed my cheeks. Another honk from the car startled him and he actually rolled his eyes but making no move to go to her.  
"I think you've got to go."  
"She can wait. I told her it would be longer but she didn't want to get out." He led me over to the door leaning in again for another hug.  
"I see you then. Have a great evening Sandra. Bye."  
"Yeah, you too. Bye."   
In a slow pace he walked back to the car where that stupid cow was waiting. What did he see in her?  
As soon as he got in she started shouting at him, he, however, just seemed to ignore her and started the car waving at me as he drove off.

When I got in I told Emma about her behaviour and she just laughed. "You know, Tom told me she was super jealous when those pics of you two hugging on the red carpet came out."  
I had to grin, no wonder she didn't like me but I would never be danger for their relationship given how she looked compared to me.

Christmas Eve came and I was in the kitchen preparing a trifle for dessert for the next day and afterwards decorating our Christmas tree which kept me distracted. Emma had gone out to spend some time with her boyfriend before bringing him to the train station.  
I had just sat down on the sofa turning the telly on when she came back.   
"Wow, the tree looks awesome," a male voice proclaimed. Startled I spun around only to see Emma in the arms of her boyfriend James. Great!  
"He's leaving tomorrow morning, so we can spend the evening together."  
"Fantastic," I couldn't help the sarcastic undertone, but I was, well, jealous. Immediately last Christmas came to my mind and how I had spent it with fiancé in the Alps.   
Fighting back some tears I turned around blinking them away and focusing on the telly.  
The evening wasn't that bad, we watched some movies and then went to bed. I grabbed my plushy and cried myself to sleep.

In the morning I called my dad and my brother which didn't take long and at about 10.30 am we would leave for Tom's anyway. I wanted to take a shower and as I opened the bathroom door I walked in on Emma and James. They were in the shower going at it, slightly shocked I closed the door and went to the downstairs bathroom.  
At 10.15 am I gathered  all the things we would take with us plus the little gift I got for Tom. 10 minutes later there was still no sign of Emma.   
"Hey Em, it's time to go," I yelled up the stairs. "Em?"  
"Oh, Sands can't you go on your own? I want to bring James to the station in half an hour."  
"What? But you said..."  
"Please! We both know anyway that Tom and you will be the only two cooking. So... You can have the car. I'll call for a cap."  
"Whatever." I was really angry as I carried the stuff outside and put it in the car. I fucking hated Christmas!

I got in the car and drove off. Great, now I would have to deal with that stupid bitch Nicole alone. I had been to Tom's before but always together with Emma and she had never been there, like he arranged it like that. I parked the car on the street and got my stuff. Before I could even ring the door bell Tom was coming out with a huge smile on his face and as always I couldn't resist but smile as well.  
"Hi Sandra. Merry Christmas."  
"Hi Tom. Same to you."  
He grabbed the basket in my right hand and flung his free arm around me kissing my cheek.   
"So where is my little sister?"  
"Bringing her boyfriend to the station."  
"Oh. Well, she wouldn't have been of much help anyway."  
We walked inside and into the living room where his huge tree stood.   
"It looks great."  
"Thanks."  
"Oh, before I forget, I've got something for you." Out of my bag I pulled the small gift.  
"What's that?"  
"Looks like a gift to me."   
He rose his brow "Didn't Emma tell you that there won't be any gifts?"  
"Yes, she did. It's not much anyway. We talked about music the last time and I just put a collection of some of my favorite songs together."  
"Wow, that's amazing. Thank you so much." Like a litte child he tore the wrapper. "We can listen to it while we're cooking. Again thank you so much for helping me."  
"No problem." Only then I realized that the house was quiet, no sign of Nicole. "Where is your girlfriend? Is she still in bed?"  
"No, she went to her parents' house last night. She will be back this afternoon." We looked at each other and maybe it was just me but it felt like there was something between us.  
Abruptly he turned away and put in the first CD and we started working.

It was absolutely lovely and everyone was super nice, I really felt welcome. However, as soon as Nicole stepped through the door the mood seemed to cool down immediately. Later I talked to their mum and as it turned out she and even her ex-husband didn't like her either.   
It was kind of discusting really as she was literally sitting on his lap claiming him for her own. At one point I even thought that she had put her hand into his pants.  
At about 8.30 pm after helping to clean up a bit we left and went home.


	3. Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's and Sandra's friendship grows even more. Or is it even more than that?

New Year's Eve I went to a club with Emma and James and of course Tom and Nicole were there as well. Most time I danced alone but at some point Nicole had enough and sat down in our little lounge and Tom came over and asked me to dance with him. Well, who would say no to that?  
Midnight came and I got really depressed as everyone around me seemed to have someone to kiss. And I didn't want to kiss some random guy. Instead I numbed my lonelyness with loads of alcohol, at some point all my lights went out and I didn't remember what happened then.  
Emma told me the next day that I was flirting with Tom while we were dancing even grabbing his ass which called up Nicole, we allegedly had a fight and I nearly punched her but Tom got between us and insisted on bringing me home. If Emma was to be believed he even carried me upstairs and brought me to bed. How embarrassing!

A week later I was laying in bed on a Saturday morning after another stressful week at work. Award season, I don't think there is more to say. I was just checking my facebook as my phone rang.  
"Hi mum. Are you finally back from your trip?"  
"Hi sweety. Yes I am, since Thursday actually. And it was lovely. Oh happy New Year sweety. I know it's a bit late but you know that I never take my phone with me."  
"Yes, I do. And it's okay. To you, too."  
We talked a while about how I had spent the holidays and other stuff and then she dropped a bomb.  
"Oh, I just spoke to Trudy. Guess who is getting married next week?"  
"No idea. Who?"  
"Rudy! He hooked up with some stupid chick who works at the supermarket."  
I didn't know what to say, my ex who had been with me for three and a half years and engaged to me for over two years was getting married. We had only split up about three months ago. Well, this was the final proof that he was just using me.  
"Are you still there sweety?"  
"Yes. Good for him. Whatever. Mum, I've got to go."  
"Okay, he is an idiot, love. Forget about him."  
"Oh, sure. I'll call you next week okay."  
"Sure."  
"Bye, mum."  
"Bye, swe..."  
I hung up before she was finished, tears were pooling in my eyes, I was angry and sad and... I don't quite know what else. I needed to talk to someone but not my mum. I never could talk to her about personal stuff. Quickly I got up and dressed. I hoped that Emma would be around and I could talk to her but as I left my room I already heard them, Emma was moaning loudly and her bed creeked in a traitorous way. So I ran downstairs, grabbed my coat and went for a walk which always helped me to clear my head.  
I was walking for God knows how long, I had actually no idea were I was anymore. My feet were hurting a lot, so when I got to a small park I sat down on one of the benches. The sun was out and it wasn't too cold for January.  
However, as soon as I sat down all my emotions washed over me and I started to cry.

How could I have been so stupid! Rudy never wanted me, in retrospective I think I should have known that he only wanted to get to my dad who was managing a quite successful football team. We met at a party at a friend's house, he asked me out for a date and I said yes. He was studying management and wanted to start at some really big company soon (first clue).   
After four dates he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and as in love as I was I, of course, said yes. We went to his house and I thought we would sleep with each other but no. When we were together for over a month I brought it up and he said he wanted to wait till he was married. A lie as it turned out later.   
Then I had been so in love that I thought it was soooo romantic.   
I wasn't a virgin anymore although I only had one guy before which was ages ago and at that time I wished I had waited just for him - Rudy.  
I should have known as soon as my birthday came and he started to ask loads of questions about my dad. Would he be there? How was he? What did he like? Etc.   
He literally wanted to know everything (second clue) and when I asked why he just shrugged and said he wanted to make a good impression. When he didn't show up not only I was disappointed (third clue).   
Everytime someone of my family had their birthday or some holidays came he always asked whether dad would be there (forth clue).   
At one point I nearly had enough and doubts began to rise whether he really loved me and then out of the blue he asked me to marry him. I was over the moon and already started planning but he never agreed on a date.  
Last summer I finally decided to introduce him to dad. It was my dad's 60th birthday and there was a big party, so it would be easy to avoid him. Since my parents' divorce six years ago I had always tried to avoid him. Even when we were young he was never there but he paid for our education and first car etc. Occassionally he would show up at a birthday or Christmas but mostly it worked. We went to his house and as soon as I introduced them, Rudy completely ignored me (fifth clue). I thought he was such a massive football fan that he just fanboyed over meeting him, so I left them alone.  
At some point dad came over to me and said "You know, your so called 'fiancé' is only after a job. God, what an arse kisser. Are you sure he loves you?"  
I was so angry at my dad but as it would turn out he had been right. He always had a good knowledge of human nature.  
About four weeks later I went directly to his place after work because I had just seen the perfect wedding dress and I wanted to finally set a date. He had given me keys ages ago, so I let myself in only to find him in his living room shagging some blonde girl over the back of the sofa (sixth and final clue). I screamed at him on the top of my lungs, threw the ring he had given me at him and as he came after me saying 'it isn't what it looks like' I kicked him in his jewels as hard as I could.  
I ran home, gathered his stuff in my flat and threw it out the window. It didn't take long till he showed up making a scene, luckily my neighbour soon had enough of our shouting and called the police. That was the last time I saw him. Thankfully.

I was sitting on that bench for at least an hour crying my eyes out. My elbows on my knees and my face burried in my hands I just wanted to die in that moment. Was I really so repulsive that no one wanted me? He, at least, could have slept with me. I knew I hadn't the perfect body. But I wasn't fat either just a few curves and my face wasn't that ugly either.   
Suddenly a hand on my shoulder startled me. When I looked up I saw a worried looking Tom.  
"Hi, Sandra. Are you alright?"  
I couldn't say a word only sobbs came out of my mouth. He quickly sat down next to me, wincing at he cold wood of the bench, and wrapped his long arms around me. I burried my face in shoulder inhaling his scent. He ran his arms slowly up and down my back which soothed me after a while. Finally I raised my head again and he moved his hand up to wipe away the tears.  
"Gosh, you're frozen. How long have you been sitting here?"  
Confused I looked around, the sun had been high in the sky when I had sat down, now it was almost gone already.  
"I don't know."  
"Come on, lets go to my place." He stood up tugging me along with him only then I realized I was shivering and freezing, my fingers and toes were numb already.   
Wrapped in Tom's arm we left the park and after five minutes entered his house. He helped me out of my jacket and boots, led me to the living room, wrapped a blanket around me and said he would make us some tea.   
When he came back with two cups I noticed he was in full running gear. "I'm really sorry. I didn't want to interrupt your sports programme."  
"Oh, nonsense. You're my friend and friendship is definetly more important."  
I had calmed down but those words made the tears run again and immediately he pulled me in for another hug.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered in my ear.   
First I wasn't sure but maybe he at least could confirm that Rudy was the idiot not me, so I started to tell him everything and after I had finished I felt way better. It didn't matter what he thought.  
"Wow, shit! What a prick! I hope you got a good kick at him." He smiled at me and I just had to giggle. "It's good to see you smile again. You're an amazing woman and every guy out there should be happy to be with you."  
His face was very close, I even could feel his breath against my face. I smiled at him and suddenly his eyes were on my lips and he was getting even closer. Then his phone rang. Startled he pulled back also smiling lightly. Would he have kissed me, if that damn thing didn't went off? Surely not. A guy like him with a girl like me? Never. And he already had a girlfriend.  
From the hallway I heard his voice "Emma? - Yes, she's here actually. - No, she's okay I guess. - No, don't worry. I'll bring her home later. - Okay. See you."  
He walked back in with a somehow weird grin on his face. "Emma almost called the police because you were gone and she couldn't reach your mobile."  
I tugged my phone from my pocket which was on silent and saw 12 unanswered calls on the screen and several messages. "Oh."  
"Don't worry. She's usually the one not answering her phone. Are you hungry?"  
"Yes, actually I'm starving." I hadn't eaten anything that day and began to feel a bit dizzy.  
"Okay, then lets order something. What do you want?"  
"I don't really care."  
"Pizza maybe?"  
"Sure."

We placed our order and while we waited for the food to arrive I finally had the chance to apologize for my bad behaviour on New Year's.  
"Oh, it's alright. You were actually good fun most the time."  
"You mean before I passed out?"  
"Ehehehe, yes. But it's alright."  
"Emma said I nearly got in a fight with Nicole?"  
"Well, she said she had enough of dancing, so we were dancing, quite close I guess which was too close for her. She came over and tugged you on the hair, you spun around and hadn't you been drinking I'm sure you would have hit her. You started shouting at each other and we went home."  
"God! I'm so sorry."  
"It's okay really."  
"I mean I would be lying if I said I liked her but that sounds horrible."  
"Don't worry."  
The door bell rang and our dinner arrived. We ate mostly in silence listening to music. Afterwards we cleaned up and as Shots by Imagine Dragons came on we started dancing which we were doing for a while.   
Both sweating we fell on the sofa laughing. We decided to watch a movie together and later that night Tom drove me home. He also gave me his number if I needed someone to talk saying that whenever I needed to I could call him. He sped of and I went upstairs to my room, changed into my pyjamas and texted him   
-Thanks again. If you need a shoulder to cry on, you know where to find me. XXX-

Another week later one of my best friends Alex who had moved to Germany a couple of years ago visited and we had a party. Of course we also invited Tom who was happy to get away from Nicole for a bit it seemed. The house was packed with mostly Emma's friends, so Alex and I retreated to my room to talk a bit. We were just talking about our jobs and lifes when there was a knock on the door. Tom stuck his head in and smiled when he saw us.  
"Hi. Do you mind if I join you for a bit, it's a bit overcrowded down there."  
"Sure." I moved a bit and made some space on my bed for him. He looked around the room and then something caught his eyes and a huge grin spread on his face.  
"So, this must be Angus." He grabbed my fluffy Highland Cow looking at it curiously.  
"Yep."   
"Really cute."  
"Yes!" Alex laughed more looking at Tom than the plushy although in my eyes he was more sexy than cute but I surely wouldn't say that in front of him.  
Tom sat down next to me and put his arm around me in a friendly way.  
"So, what are you girls talking about."  
"Oh, just boring stuff like work and so on. Oh, you know that in Germany they've got a stereotype about English men that I find is quite true."  
Tom and I both raised our eyebrows.  
"They say that all English men are ugly."  
I grinned and then I looked over at Tom who looked like she had just slapped him across the face. That expression was so hilarious that I lost all control and fell back on my bed laughing. From across the room I heard Alex laugh as well. Suddenly the bed shifted and Tom started tickling me.  
"What's so funny Sandra?" His tickling only increased my laughter and soon tears were running down my face. When my belly started hurting I begged him for mercy.  
Catching my breath I laid on the bed looking over at him. His face was only inches away and his hand was resting on my belly.  
"It's true though, isn't it?" Startled we look at Alex and Tom had that hurt expression on his face again.  
"Oh, come on Tom! You're half Scottish so it doesn't include you," I said and smiled at him. Slightly shaking his head he went over to my CD collection. Picking one with dance songs from the 90s he put it in the player and we all started to dance.  
At 1.30 am all three of us were totally exhausted and lay down on my bed, Tom in the middle. "Do you want to stay?" He already had closed his eyes and his breath had evened out.   
"I'd love to but I have to go home. Nicole is waiting for me."  
With that he sat back up and stood. I followed, Alex, however, was already sleeping lightly and I didn't bother waking her. We both giggled as she started to snore slightly.  
"It was a fun evening. Thanks Sandra."  
"No problem. See you soon."  
I brought him out to his car, we hugged and did the usual cheek kissing. Somehow reluctantly he got in the car and sped off.


	4. An Evening to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom had a bad day and he needs a friend. But then something unexpected happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here'll be smut!  
> Enjoy.

Another week later I had the Wendnesay off as I had worked the Saturday before. Emma was shooting in Brighton possibly the whole week so I had the house for myself. The weather was horrible, it had been snowing on and off for the last two days. I thought about going shopping or something but with the mud all over I decided I would make a cozy day at home.   
Still in my pyjamas I made lunch, pasta with mushroom sauce, and sat down on the sofa putting in a DVD. I felt like laughing so I put in the first Police Academy movie which always made me laugh. 

Afterwards I cleaned up a bit and just when I wanted to sit back down with a cup of afternoon tea the door bell rang. Damn, who was that? I didn't quite want to open the door in my Snoopy pyjamas. I walked over to the small window next to the door only to see that it was Tom and he was looking miserable. Sprinting to the door I thought about what might have happened.   
When I opened the door he looked a bit disappointed.  
"Hi Tom. Are you okay?"  
"Hi. Is Emma in?"  
"No, she's shooting in Brighton."  
"Oh, fuck. Right. I..."  
"Do you want to come in?" He wasn't crying, at least not yet, but he looked puzzled and close to tears.  
"Ahm. I... Yeah, if that would be okay." He looked at my pyjamas.  
"Oh, don't worry. I'm just having a lazy day off."  
"Oh." I motioned for him to come in. He got out of his jacket, his hands shaking when he hung it to the hook.  
"Everything okay Tom? You look a bit, well, sad."  
Looking at me he rose his brow and started to laugh. Confused I looked at him and then his face changed from laughing into a grimace of grief and sadness and tears ran down his face. I was so taken aback by it that at first I didn't know what to do but finally I stepped closer to him and pulled him into a tight embrace. We stood there for a while till I somehow managed to lead him into the living room.   
Slowly I pulled him down onto the sofa with me, his forehead resting on my shoulder and his face burried in my right breast. I didn't care, however, I just wanted to make him feel better. I ran my hands up and down his back and through his soft curls trying to soothe him.   
The fabric of my shirt and bra were already soaked through when his sobs grew quieter. At last they were only light whispers.  
"What happened Tom? Do you want to talk about it?"  
Finally he looked up at me his face red from crying. For a moment he just stared at me and then with ocassional sobs he started "I was at home...reading a new script...when...the phone rang. There was a doc...a doctor on...asking if...Nic...Nicole was alright. I said sure. Why wouldn't she? And...he said that normally they...weren't allowed to...send a patient home alone after an...an..."  
Again he broke into tears. What the hell had she done?! I already hated her but had she been here that moment I would have killed her!  
"Shhhh, Tom. What did she do?" I placed my hands on his upper arms stroking them lightly. His face was looking down on the sofa between us when he whispered "She had an abortion."  
FUCK! I was so shocked and angry! How could she do this?! Tom visibly slumped down again and I pulled him into my arms again gently kissing his head and hugging him tightly. I felt his hurt and pain and couldn't stop some tears from falling as well.

We must have sat there for a while cause when he moved again it was fully dark outside. I reached for the little lamp next to the sofa and looking over at Tom I was almost shocked how pale he looked.  
"Do you want something to drink or eat? Or both?"  
He wiped his tears away with his large hands sniffing a bit. I grabbed the small box of tissues from the side table and held it out to him. He wiped his nose, inhaled deeply and finally nodded.  
"Yes, please. That would be nice. But maybe you should change first."   
He looked down onto my shirt which was soaking wet from his tears.   
"Good idea, I'll be right back." I ran upstairs and pulled off the shirt and the bra putting on a sweater, I turned and walked back down.   
The living room was empty and for a moment I thought that he had left maybe but then I heard him in the kitchen. As I entered I saw him pulling a bottle of Wodka out of the fridge.  
"Just the right thing," he proclaimed as he saw me. I smiled lightly and got to his side and retrieved some sausages from the fridge.   
We roasted them while downing a glass of Wodka each. Then we ate in silence, cleaned up and finally got back onto the sofa.  
"You know what she said when I called her and asked if it was some kind of joke?"  
Not knowing what to say I just shook my head.  
"She said she wasn't even sure it was my child anyway and she didn't want kids, at all. I thought she's on the pill. I..." He shook his head grabbing the booze. "Lets watch a movie, okay?"  
"Yeah, great. Any requests?"  
"Some action maybe."  
After a quick discusion we settled on Skyfall.

First we watch in silence but after a while we fell into discussion about who's the best Bond and which movie is, etc.  
"Oh, come on! Daniel Craig is a great Bond."  
"I didn't say he wasn't, I just said he's ugly."  
Tom took another big gulp of the Wodka and then looked at me, by that time I had had two and a half glasses, Tom about double but beside a slight tipsiness we both were alright. At first I didn't know what the expression on his face was but then he looked down at my lips like he had before only this time nothing stopped him and before I quite realized it his lips were pressed onto mine. It took only seconds before I kissed back. His hand was placed on the left side of my neck, his thumb on my cheek as our tongues began to dance around each other. 

Suddenly his hand dropped down to my hip but not for long. His fingers searched for the hem of my sweater and when they had found it he brushed them up along my side up to my naked left breast. Gently he started to knead it and when he rolled the nipple between his fingers I moaned into our kiss. I already could feel the heat between my legs growing as an explosion on the telly startled us. Both giggling he withdrew, grabbed the remote and turned it off.   
When his eyes were back on me they were dark and filled with lust. I swallowed hard as he came closer again. This time he grabbed the hem of my sweater with both hands and tugged it up and with my help over my head. My bare chest exposed to him he licked his lips and slowly pushed me back onto the sofa. His mouth began to explore my tits kissing, licking and sucking. Soon I arched my back in pleasure moaning his name. One of his hands kneaded the breast his mouth neglected and suddenly the other one went under the waistband of my pants. His long fingers brushed over my mound and between my folds but because I had my legs pressed together had difficulties to gain full access.  
Tom shifted his position a bit placing one knee between my legs and before he could proceed in spreading them I did it for him. Grateful his index and middle fingers explored deeper as his thumb focused on my clit.  
"Aaaah! Fuck!" Two fingers had just entered me when my leg kicked out automatically knocking something over.  
Startled we both spun around only to see a luckily empty glass tumble down the table.  
"Maybe we should go upstairs?" I suggested and he only nodded.  
Quickly we got up and ran up to my room. Once in he closed the door behind us and turned me around to face him, my back to the bed. Leaning down he claimed my mouth for another passionate kiss. When his tongue entered me again I felt his fingers on my hips and with one smooth motion my pants were down at my ankles. Before I could step out, however, he pushed me back on the bed, my big tits bouncing as I landed. With quick fingers he tugged my pants and socks off completely and brushed his shirt over his head leaving his chest as bare as mine. Before he could get on the bed I luckily remembered something.  
"Tom? Do you have any condoms? I'm not on the pill or anything."  
"Fuck. No, I don't." His brows furrowed but then he smiled "But I'm sure my little sister does."  
Before I could say anything he was out the door. I sighed, could this really be happening. Was he maybe just drunk? I felt lightheaded but I also knew I wanted it, him. I moved further up on my bed till my head was on the pillow and right that moment he came back in with a handful of little plastic wrappers.  
Questioningly I raised my brow and he grinned as he put them onto the bedside table.  
"You never know!"  
With that he stood straight and reached for the button and zipper of his jeans. He pushed them down stepping out of them as well as his socks.   
There he stood his perfect body only covered in tight black briefs which couldn't hide his hard on. I saw pictures of his "Monster Crotch" online already but this was a different matter and then he tugged his undies down and my eyes grew wide in, well, shock basically. He was huge, I've never seen a cock that size. It was a good eight inches long, maybe even more, and I really got scared. I didn't have much experience and the last time I had sex was ages ago with my first and only real boyfriend. Tom possibly could see my discomfort.  
"No need to be afraid, we'll go slow and if it hurts just tell me."  
Thankful I nodded and he smiled. He got on the bed beside me leaning in for another kiss, his cock brushing against my thigh and again a slight wave of panic overcame me.  
"We don't have to do this if you don't want."  
"But I want it, really. It's just been a while since I last..."  
"Try to relax, I won't hurt you, I promise." With that his mouth went lower, kissed and licked down my neck until he was at my tits once more.   
"You're so beautiful. And those amazing breasts."  
In my mind they were too big which I wanted to say but his mouth on them silenced any words that wanted to come out. For a while he focused only on them with his mouth and hands which felt great, I already could feel the wetness between my legs growing.   
In a bold moment I reached for his cock and gave it a few slow strokes. His head shot up as a deep growl escaped him. Shocked I dropped my hand and smiled shyly at him.  
"Don't be shy, that was really good."  
As he kept kissing and licking me all over I got more comfortable and ran my hands over his well muscled back and through his curly hair. Finally his head was between my legs kissing and licking up my calves and thighs, closer and closer to my soaked pussy.  
Then his tongue was on my clit and I nearly came right there but I stopped him.  
"Don't you like that Sandra darling?"  
"No. Ahm, yes, I do like it but I don't want to come like that. Please fuck me Tom."   
Blushing heavily I couldn't quite believe that I had just said that. He just grinned widely, however, and reached for a condom.  
"You are so pretty when you're blushing."  
He tore open the wrapper and rolled the condom over his thick shaft which looked kind of purple by now the tip slightly wet.  
Invitingly I spread my legs wider and again he smiled as he positioned himself between my legs. As his tip brushed against my opening I whimpered slightly, my heart racing.  
"Ready, darling?"  
I took a deep breath and nodded as he slowly pushed in. He was in only about two inches when I hissed "Oh, fuck."  
He immediately stopped moving already panting hard. "Are you okay? Does it hurt? We can get some lube if you want."  
"Everything alright. It feels good actually. Keep going, please."  
He waited for another moment and as I nodded at him he proceeded even slower than before.  
"Fuck, you are really tight. Are you sure I'm not hurting you?"  
"Yes, Tom. Keep going."  
He did and finally he was completely in panting hard he held in for another moment to let me adjust to his length. Encouraging I wrapped my legs around his hips and he began with slow thrusts while rotating his hips. My arms mirrored my legs as they wrapped around his upper body pulling him down for a kiss. His right hand was on my breasts again, the left one caressing my side at least at first.  
Soon we were sweating as we neared our high, I already could feel my walls slightly clenching around him as he started to rub my clit with his left hand. We both moaned each others names and suddenly the pace of his thrusts accelerated and with every thrust he hit my g-spot. Now I wasn't moaning his name any longer, I was screaming it. And then I came, I'm still not sure if this was my first orgasm ever or if the other ones just hadn't been that intense. As my walls grabbed his cock firmly he tried to keep thrusting but he couldn't, his mouth opened as I milked him and he came as well.

Heavily panting we laid there next to each other for a while staring at the ceiling till Tom finally broke the silence. "Wow, that was amazing."  
"Oh, yes." I rolled to my side looking at him, he had a huge grin on his face licking his lips as his gaze fell to my breasts. Not quite thinking what I was doing I wrapped an arm and a leg around his body and cuddled to his firm chest. He didn't protest just in return wrapped an arm around me. Quietly we just laid there my fingers exploring his soft skin and the small trail of chest hair. Looking up at him I also studied his magnificent face. Those eyes! Smiling I moved up a bit and placed a soft kiss on the freckle on his left temple, then another one to the scar on his forehead, the back of his nose, the scar on top of his lip, his chin and finally his lips. Our lips and tongues fought for dominance for a while till I withdrew.  
Out of some bold instincts I straddled him, I leaned down and as he had earlier I explored his chest placing a kiss on every new freckle I discovered, sucking and licking his nipples which caused a low rumble in his throat and his dick twitched lightly against my thigh. I kissed my way further down to his belly button then I stuck my tongue out going further south, along the trail of hair to his crotch.   
He was only semi-hard but still quite impressive, earlier I was already wondering how he tasted so I ran my tongue up his length to the tip, my hands massaging his strong thighs.   
"You don't have to..."  
"I know, Tom. But I want to taste you."  
"Fuck," was his only reply as his dick twitched against my lips. I took it in my mouth and began to suck taking him further in. I pulled back a bit and swirled my tongue around him while my right hand moved from his thigh to his balls and squeezed lightly. It didn't take long and he was fully hard. I bobbed up and down his length ocassionally stopping at his tip and licking it. Finally some precum leaked out of his slit and I collected it with my tongue. It tasted salty and a bit bitter but in a good way. My mouth went down his length again sucking at him I also tugged and squeezed his balls first only lightly and as he seemed to like it a bit harder.   
He was moaning and gently brushed his fingers through my hair. I kept sucking him off but suddenly his hips thrust up and his cock made me choke. Coughing I pulled off but it wasn't to bad.  
"Shit, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"  
"Yes, sure. You just caught me by surprise, I guess." I leaned down again in order to keep going but this time he stopped me.   
"Maybe we could make use of another one of these?" Grinning he held up a condom.   
Eagerly I nodded and, no idea where my sudden boldness came from -maybe it was the alcohol - , I suggested "Why don't you take me doggy style?"  
His left brow shot up disbelieving. "Are you sure?"  
"Yes, please."   
That had always been one of my favorite positions, emphasising my wish I turned around facing the foot end of the bed getting on all fours. Behind me I felt the bed shift as he moved and soon his body heat was against my backside. Slowly I felt his fingers at my entrance. First they just explored around my folds then he entered me with a finger.  
"So fucking wet for me?! Fantastic." He pulled his finger out and a second later I felt his tip there. The first inch or two he went as slow as before then he stopped abruptly and grabbed my hips with his hands.  
"Ready?"  
"Yes." With one hard thrust he filled me completely, I let out a loud moan which was a mixture of pain and pleasure. His thrusts grew a bit faster and it felt amazing but suddenly that didn't seem to be enough for me.  
"Harder Tom!"  
"Sure?"  
"Yes, please." He immediately oblidged and when his first hard thrust came I almost fell over and out of the bed.   
"Sorry. Too hard?"  
"No, perfect. I just didn't expect it. Keep going."  
When the second one came I was prepared and it felt so good which I voiced in a deep moan. That, however, seemed to encourage him even more and as his grip on my hips became harder his thrusts did as well, like a force of nature he drove into me and I loved every second.  
Suddenly one hand was gone but the next moment I felt it grab my right tit hard. Ocassionally he pinched my nipples and I could feel another orgasm build inside of me. When his hand finally left my breasts and started rubbing my swolen clit it was over and I came undone once more screaming his name. While my walls clenched around him he thrust a couple of more times into me and then came with a loud grunt inside me.

Totally exhausted we fell onto the bed next to each other. Tom got a hanky from the nightstand and wrapped the used condom into it before throwing it into the small dustbin under my desk. Afterwards he lay back down I put my head on his shoulder cuddling against him. Again we just lay there in each others arms enjoying our body warmth. My eyes were focused on his arm and chest where I counted or better tried to count his freckles but it didn't quite work. I soon got bored of it and looked up at him, his eyes were racing over the ceiling his expression looking worried.  
"Everything okay, Tom?"  
Startled he shook his head and smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. Probably he's thinking about her, I thought and decided to distract him.  
"What do you want to do? We could listen to some music and dance or finish the movie or take a shower or..."  
"Shower sounds good to me."  
"Great. Come on then." I stood up reaching for his hand but he had exited the bed already on the other side. I walked over to the closet getting two big towels. We dared to make the short way to the bathroom naked and once in I turned on the water so it got warm for us. Damn, only then I realized I needed to pee and with Tom in the room it would be akward.  
"Could you wait outside for a sec I need to pee."  
"I can also go in the shower if that would be okay."  
"Ahm, sure." There was a curtain and running water so it would surely be okay.

After I had flushed the toilet I got into the shower where Tom waited already. He poured some of my shower gel into his palm and started to wash me, once more focusing on my breasts and when I was already a mewling mess he caressed my folds gently. Soon two of his fingers entered me scissoring inside of me.   
I threw my head back and my glance landed on the plastic wrapper in our soap dish. So he hadn't had enough yet but me neither. Reaching my hand down I slowly pushed his foreskin back and started to pump him till he was fully hard again.  
Coursing he pulled his fingers out, got the wrapper and pushing my hand away he rolled it over his impressive erection.  
"Lift your right leg."   
Wrapping it around his hips I steadied myself by putting my hands onto his shoulders. He lined up his dick and with a quick upwards thrust he entered me pressing me against the cool tiles of the wall behind me. Grabbing my left leg as well he lifted me of the ground while pounding into me furiously. I crossed my ankles behind his butt and slung my arms tightly around him. His hands were on my ass while his mouth explored my cleavage and tits again. Soon we both grew closer again, he kissed up my neck and as I came this time I didn't scream his name as the sounds of pleasure were silenced by his tongue in my mouth.

When we had finished we wrapped each other in the towels and dried ourselves a bit before we went back to my room. Getting into bed I truely felt happy as he cuddled against me. His long arm was wrapped around my body and his face burried in my neck as we lay there spooning.   
"Tom?"  
"Yes?"  
"This feels really good to me. I haven't felt like that in a while. Thank you."  
"Hm."  
His breath had evened out already and soon I heard a light snore coming from him. For a while I laid there listening to him sleeping while also fearing to fall asleep myself for several reasons.   
The first one was that sometimes I talked when sleeping, the second was that ocassionally I drooled while I slept (quite discusting really!) and the third and probably most stupid I feared that when I woke everything just would have been a dream.   
After a while, however, I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep nevertheless.


	5. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is what happened after their little one-night-stand.  
> Lots of hurt feelings and selfdoubt in this...

The next morning I woke with a huge grin on my face. Still sleepy I rolled around to greet Tom but the spot beside me was empty and, as the pillow and matrasse were cold, had been for a while.  
"Tom?"  
I leaned up on my ellbow. Had it been a dream after all? But why was I naked then? I never slept naked not even in summer. I pushed back the duvet and slowly stood up, my pussy felt a bit sore another indication that I hadn't just fantasised.   
Maybe he was just making breakfast for us. I quickly got into my pyjama pants which were still on the floor where he had dropped them the night before. Putting on a shirt I opened the door of my room and sprinted downstairs. The Wodka bottle was still on the table in the living room and my sweater on the floor next to the sofa. Grinning I turned right into the kitchen but to my horror it was empty, no sign of him.  
Where had he gone? Had I said something in my sleep that turned him off or had I been snoring too loudly. I felt tears creep into my eyes. But then I thought Tom wouldn't just use me like that, so I ran back upstairs and checked the bedside table but there was no note. Next I grabbed my phone but also no message. My thoughts raced, had he been too drunk and when he woke holding me he was so repulsed that...  
No, he had been quite clear if you asked me. Only then I saw that it was already 9 and I should be at work by now. Fuck!   
I changed as quickly as possible and 15 minutes later I ran down the street to the tube. Once in I called at work saying I had had an appointment at the doctor's which took longer than I thought and I would be there soon. Next I called Tom to see what had happened but I only got his mailbox, so I texted him.  
-Thanks for the great night. Missed you this morning, however. Everything okay? Kisses S.-

When I arrived at work I was immediately drawn into the mayhem and was busy all day. On my way home I finally had the oportunity to check my phone and there was a new message. But only from Emma saying she would be home by tomorrow evening and asking if I could go shopping.  
Disappointed I thought about calling Tom again and I decided to wait till I was at home, maybe he was waiting there for me.  
But of course he didn't. I let myself in tears running down my face. Had I done or said something wrong? Did he run away after seeing me in the morning sun and, well, sober and think what an ugly, fat cow?  
No, there must be another reason! Maybe he got hit by a car or something. Finally I made up my mind and dialed his number but again it was only his mailbox. "Ahm, hi Tom. I'm slightly worried about you. Are you okay? Call me or come round if you want. Bye."  
Was that okay? Surely. I distracted myself by cooking dinner but as he hadn't called or texted after I had eaten and cleaned up my spirit sank.   
I didn't want to watch a movie I just wanted to be alone. I curled up in my bed starting to cry even more so when I smelled his scent on my pillow. Angry I took it and threw it across the room. How could I have been so stupid once again? Letting some guy use me like a piece of meat only because I had feelings for them. Soooo fucking stupid!

The next day went by and subconsciously I was still hoping that I would hear from Tom and there would be a simple explanation like his phone had broken down and he had been busy shooting. 

Finally all my hopes were distroyed in the evening. I was sitting on the sofa watching the news as the door opened and Emma walked in. Outside I could hear a sports car drive away which sounded like Tom's Jag.  
"Hi, Sands. How are you?"  
"Hi, Em. How was shooting?"  
"Great." She came over and hugged me. "You look a bit pale. Everything alright?"  
"Sure. Just a bit of stress at work. Was that Tom's car?"  
"Yeah, I called him earlier and asked him if he could pick me up from the station. I invited him in for a drink or something but he said he couldn't. He's a real weirdo sometimes."  
Well, now I had my proof and immediately tears welled up in my eyes. Quickly I turned away from Emma blinking the tears away but it didn't work.  
"Gosh, Sands. What happened?"  
Before I could say anything she was on the sofa beside me wrapping her arms around me.  
"I...am...such an...idiot! Why...can...nobo...nobody lo...love me?"  
"Oh, come on. That's not true. I love you, your family loves you, your friends love you. How can someone not love you? You're such an amazing girl, so kind and warm hearted."  
Sobbing uncontrolably I thought that maybe exactly that was the problem.

Of course I didn't tell her what had happened between Tom and me, I just said I had to think of my ex. To distract me I did something I hadn't done in a while I went to the gym. Everyday over the next week after work, I even tried kick boxing which I really loved and I could get my aggressions out a bit. Afterwards I went home and usually fell totally exhausted into my bed and slept till the next morning.

Two weeks later on a Saturday afternoon I got back from training when Emma was already waiting for me.  
"You haven't forgotten, have you?"  
"Forgotten what?" Was it my week to clean up the house? No, I had the last week. I had absolutely no idea, so I just shrugged my shoulders.  
"It's Tom's birthday tomorrow and you said about a month back you would bake a cake."  
"Oh, right. I actually have forgotten about that." And I didn't even feel bad about it.  
"Mum called earlier and wanted to know which cake you're making so we won't have two identical ones."  
"Yeah, I'll just grab a shower and then I'll see what I can do."  
If it had been only for Tom I would have said fuck it but I had promised Diana that I would help her baking and I really liked her, she was like a second mother to me.  
After I had finished I went through the kitchen quickly finding all ingredients for a peach-champagne gateau. I called Diana and we talked for a while. Emma went out with James of course leaving me and the chaos in the kitchen behind.   
I finished at about 9 pm, there was only some decoration to be done which I would do in the morning. Sitting down on the sofa I watched a movie and drank the rest of the champagne.

In the morning I quickly finished the gateau, then packed my gym bag and headed for the door.  
"Where are you going?" I hadn't heard Emma coming home but there she stood, still in her nightgown.  
"Gym, see you."  
"We're leaving in about one and a half hour."  
"And?"  
"You're coming, right?"  
"Coming where?"  
She looked at me like I was joking but as I just stupidly kept on staring at her she sighed.  
"Tom's, silly. It's his birthday."  
"The cake's finished. It's in the fridge. See you." Again I turned to leave, I had hoped she wouldn't be home or still asleep so I could sneak out unnoticed and wouldn't have to explain.  
"You're kidding, right? You are coming?!"  
"Well, after bothering you Christmas I thought I possibly couldn't again."  
"Nonsense. You're part of the family anyway. Even our dad likes you and that's quite a thing, besides you and Tom are friends."   
I almost laughed at that, the joke of the century. Ever since our night together he ignored me, he only came round when he knew I wouldn't be there, no texts or calls, nothing. Not even an apology.  
"Still, I don't think I..."  
"Shut up and get ready. You are coming."  
What to do really? I couldn't tell her and I just had to hide and don't get in his way, the house was big enough for that and I had no nerve to discuss any more with Emma.  
"Whatever. I don't have a present, though." My last straw.  
"Nobody does. We don't buy presents anymore."  
"Okay." Damn.

About an hour later we got ready, Emma was really nervous as it would be the first time she had James with her on a family meeting. Being a good friend I tried to calm her.  
"You know, even if nobody likes him - which I doubt - you still could be together. I mean Nicole had been with Tom for how long?"  
She laughed out loud and nodded. "Yeah, right. Can't be worse than with her. Your gateau looks absolutely fabolous by the way."  
We got into the car and drove over. As soon as we got out the front door opened, luckily it was Diana who welcomed us. I was the first one to be hugged by her carefully as I had the cake in hands.  
"Hi, Sandra. You look fantastic and that gateau is a work of art. Thanks again for helping me."  
"No problem."  
Then her eyes landed on Emma and James and I was forgotten. I wasn't angry, she was her daughter anyway. She motioned us in, I hesitated for a moment and they brushed past me. All three disappeared down the hallway. I stopped near the entrance to pull off my shoes but then I heard a voice and I couldn't quite believe it. I looked down the hall and saw them, Nicole and Tom. She had just wrapped an arm around him and kissed him. I felt a sudden sting in my heart, tears welling up in my eyes.   
Panicking I put the cake onto the small table near the door and ran off as fast as I could.

I only stopped when my thighs started to burn but I had come far enough to be sure that nobody had followed me. A couple of weeks ago I would have been out of breath after one block, now I was already half way home. I would have run the rest of the way but with high heels and the emotions washing over me...  
I stopped a cab and drove home only to get my gym bag. I walked the three blocks to the gym and was happy to see some guys from my kick boxing group. That would be the right thing now.  
After we had trained for hours we quickly showered and went to a restaurant down the street. When I got home it was 10 pm and luckily nobody seemed to be home, yet.  
Quietly I let myself in only to find Emma sitting on the stairs in the dark and waiting for me.  
"How was the party?" I asked casually.  
"Great, till mum and I panicked when we noticed you had been gone. Luckily Ben saw you sprinting off. Otherwise we would have thought you had been kidnapped or something."  
"Sorry, I just didn't feel very well all of a sudden."  
"Well, you could have told us. But that's not the reason. I saw Tom's reaction when we said you were gone. I'm not sure, however, if it was relief or panic. What's going on between you?"  
"Nothing." Yeah, probably a bit of both, relief that I have left without making a scene and panic that I had told anybody about our one-night-stand.  
"Don't lie to me!"  
"For heaven's sake Em that's none of your business!" I tried to get past her and into my room. I was tired and I had a long and stressful week coming up. She stopped me half way shouting at me. "Tell me!"  
I inhaled sharply, she wouldn't let up that was for sure.  
"Okay. Lets just say Tom told me something that Nicole did, which in my opinion is even worse than what happened with my ex Rudy, but he's still with her. Stupid! And I'm kind of angry about that. Before you ask, no, I won't tell you. And now, good night."  
Not the entire truth but also not a lie either. Dumbfounded Emma looked at me as I brushed past her and into my room. Out of instinct I turned the key which I had never done before.   
Panting heavily tears ran down my face again. I threw myself onto the bed as the door handle turned and Emma's voice came from the hallway. But I just ignored her.   
How could he still be with her after all she had done to him? Why did he prefer her over me? Yes, of course she looked better than me but that wasn't all in life, was it? I hated myself. Why was shit like that always happening to me?  
As I rolled to my side I saw Tom, well, Loki grinning down at me like he wanted to mock me. In rage I jumped up and tore the poster from my wall and stuffed it into the dustbin.  
I turned off my clothes and cuddled my plushy crying my eyes out. At some point I fell asleep.


	6. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tough shit coming up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a short chapter but it felt like the right place to start with the next one.

Finally the stress at work subsided slowly at the beginning of March although it had kept me busy and distracted my thoughts. After planning my last big event for a while I got home feeling totally under the weather.   
I had felt kind of sick over the last two weeks already but that day was the worst so far. I had just changed into sweats and a sweatshirt when my stomach turned. Just in time I made it to the bathroom before my lunch fell out of my face.  
Slightly shivering I fell to the floor next to the toilet, a quiet knock startling me.  
"Everything okay Sandra?"  
"Yeah, just feeling a bit sick."  
"Can I come in?"  
"Sure." I wiped my face with a hanky from my pocket and tried to slow my breath. Just when Emma stepped in another wave of sickness overcame me and I puked out the rest of my lunch. Her hand pulled my hair back and before I really knew what was going on she had made a ponytail.

With her help I somehow managed to get back into bed and she reached for my dustbin to place it next to the bed.  
"What's that?" She motioned to the torn poster in it.  
"I felt like getting something new."  
"Listen, I don't know what happened between you and Tom and I'm actually not sure if I want to know but you guys should talk to each other. You were such good friends."  
I just shrugged my shoulders and lay down on my side. Slightly wincing as my breast touched the matrass, no idea what was going on lately.  
I noticed that my belly hurt as well. Great, food poisoning. I shouldn't have eaten that fish for lunch, it already looked kind of dubious.   
"I'll just make you a cup of tea and empty your dustbin, so if you have to throw up again at night... Do you want something to eat?"  
"Hell, no."

A while later there was a knock on the door and had I not felt so bad I would have yelled. It was Tom with my tea cup.  
"Hi, Sandra."  
I threw myself to the other side of the bed facing away from him. I hadn't seen him in person, not since his birthday anyway, only about a week back there had been a pic of him and Nicole in the Metro News with the subtitle "Tom Hiddleston showed up with an unknown beauty to the premiere of A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Apollo Theatre last night. Unnamed sources claim that they've been seeing each other for a while."  
I could hear him swallow and inhale deeply "Emma said you're sick."  
Again I just ignored him closing my eyes I hoped he would go away and leave me alone. Instead he walked round the bed and sat down on it. "I'm sorry for what has happened. Can you forgive me? Maybe not now, but at some point."  
I shot him a deadly glance. Was he serious? Angrily staring at him I hissed "I'm not sorry. Just tell me the next time that it's only a revenge fuck for you, okay! And now leave me alone."  
"Emma said you tore down your poster." He glanced over to where it used to be.  
"I SAID FUCK OFF!" Tears of anger welled up in my eyes and shocked he stared at me.  
"Just let me explain what ha..."  
"I don't care. You had your little fun with that stupid, fat chick with the big tits and now leave it there and PISS OFF!"  
I saw a single tear running down his cheek as he finally nodded, got up and left me alone. From downstairs I heard Emma discuss with him for a while and after the front door had closed there were footsteps on the stairs.  
My tears were running once more and I hid my face from her in my pillow. She put down the dustbin next to my bed and sat down stroking through my hair.  
"If you want to talk about it, I'm there for you."

In the morning I felt a bit better, so I got up, showered and dressed for work but as soon as I entered the kitchen and smelled the eggs in the pan my stomach protested again and I had another close encounter with our toilet.  
"You really should stay at home. You look like crap."  
"Thanks and I'll be fine."  
"I don't think so." Right then I had to make another trip to the bathroom and when I came back Emma had already called in sick for me. With slow steps I went back to my room getting back into my pyjamas and into bed. Despite I hadn't eaten anything I did feel like that the whole day, even when I drank something minutes later I would have to vomit. I felt really exhausted and tired so I slept almost the whole day and night.

The next morning was pretty much the same as the one before only that Emma insisted on bringing me to the doctor's. I knew she had to go to an audition in the morning so I said we could go in the afternoon if I still didn't feel better. But she wouldn't have it. So she dropped me off at the doctor's and said she would pick me up on the way back or if it would take too long I could get a cab or call Tom who would be at home. Yes, I would definitely do that.

First thing one of the nurses did when she saw me she put me on a stretcher and stuck a needle in my arm for a blood sample and for an infusion of saline. It took ages till someone came again but it wasn't the doctor yet only the nurse checking how I felt.   
I closed my eyes and soon fell into a light slumber.  
"Miss Wittmann?"  
A strong hand shook me lightly. I blinked a few times trying to remember where I was. "Hi, I'm Doctor Wheeler. You have been feeling sick for some days?"  
"Yes, it was probably the fish I had for lunch two days ago."  
"No other complaints?"  
"Not really. My belly hurts a bit but that's probably because of all the vomiting."  
"Okay, I want to wait till your blood test is back from the lab before I prescribe anything. Are you feeling better now?" He motioned to the infusion with his head.  
"A bit maybe." Right then there was a light bing from the computer and he walked around the desk studying the message or whatever. Then he looked at me again furrowing his brows.  
"The feeling sick also started two days ago or maybe earlier?"  
"Well, I was feeling a bit under the weather for about a week I guess."  
"When was your last period?"  
Now I furrowed my brows, what had that to do with my si... No, that wasn't possible. I was sure I had period since then. Or didn't I? February had been really busy but now as I was thinking about it I didn't have it then. The last time had been a few days after the news of Rudy getting married. Fuck!  
"But that's not possible! It was only one night and we even used protection."  
"So I take it, it's been longer than four weeks?"  
"About eight actually."  
"Wasn't planned then, was it?"  
My whole body began to shake and tears started to flow. This must be a nightmare!   
"Shhhh. It's just a baby. But I'd like to transfer you to my colleague Doctor Ratcliff two floors up. He's a gynecologist, he will make an ultrasound and check if everything is okay."  
He grabbed the phone on his desk and talked to someone but I didn't hear any of it as my mind was racing. This couldn't be happening! I couldn't be pregnant! Other people tried for years and it didn't work and I... That was so typical for me. All my life, or at least love life, had been like that. Whatever could have gone wrong went wrong. Why me?  
"Miss?" Another shake on my arm and as I looked around me I saw another nurse next to the Doctor with a wheelchair.  
"Patti will bring you upstairs. Doctor Ratcliff is waiting for you."

I felt like a zombie all the way up. She brought me into one of the exam rooms. God, I hated going to the gynecologist but then again who liked it?  
"The Doctor will be with you in a moment."   
I nodded but none of all this felt real I must be dreaming. I reached for my arm and pinched it. Ow! But this couldn't be real, it just couldn't!  
The needle in my arm was gone, they must have drugged me and I was fantasizing all of this. I had to get out of there. I tried to get up but my knees buckled and sent me back down when I tried again the door opened and a man about 50 with grey-brown hair came in. He looked quite handsome, remembering me a bit of Richard Gere, and as he saw what I was doing he was quickly at my side putting me back in the chair.  
"Hello, I'm Doctor Ratcliff. Doctor Wheeler said he had a little surprise for you, so to speak."  
"But that's not possible."  
"You had sexual intercourse, did you not?"  
"Yes, but only one night and we used a condom."  
"Well, they are only save for about 95%. And if they are too old or handled the wrong way even less. Doctor Wheeler also said you were fighting with sickness?" He had walked round the desk and sat down onto his huge leather chair.  
"Yes."  
"You can't keep anything in?"  
"No."  
"Any other complaints? Like oversensitive breasts?"  
"Yes, I guess." He ticked some boxes on a sheet.  
"Do you remember the date of that ‘one night’?"  
"Must have been around the 20 January, it was a Wednesday, I had the day off." He looked at his calendar.  
"That would be the 22 January then." He wrote something on his sheet again. "That's a bit over six weeks then. Shall we have a look? We should be able to see the heartbeat by now."   
Desperate I ran my hands over my face. What the hell should I do?  
He came around the desk and pushed the chair over to a stretcher. Helping me up and onto the small bed he said "we'll look if everything is okay and then we can talk about your options. Okay?"   
I nodded as I laid back. He pushed up my sweater and opened my pants to reveal my belly. He squeezed some cold gel on it and got the machine turning on the monitor he began the examination. He searched for a while and finally stopped.   
"Ah, there it is." He pointed to the monitor but I couldn't see anything really at first. Then I noticed a light flickering.  
"That's the heartbeat. This is the head. Looks good, though."  
Unbelieving I stared at the monitor. It all felt so surreal.   
"Miss? Are you okay?"  
I hadn't noticed that I was crying, silent tears ran down my face.  
"Do you want me to call anyone? The father maybe or someone from your family?"  
I just shook my head still struggling to believe it. He wiped my belly and asked some more questions, I can't remember any of them.  
"You know you don't have to get the child if you don't want to?"  
I nodded, but an abortion? It was a living thing after all even if it wasn't bigger than a bean or whatever he had said earlier.  
"There are other options as well. If you don't want to keep it you still could give it up for adoption."  
My mind was racing, I've never felt so helpless before.  
"Are you sure I shouldn't call anyone?"  
"Yes, I'm okay."  
"Well, you don't have to decide now. An abortion is possible till the 12th week at the latest. Talk to the father, see what he thinks. You know who the father is, do you?"  
"Of course, but we don't talk anymore."  
"Please do. He's got a right to know."  
"Right." I definitely wouldn't but he didn't have to know that.  
He kept talking about so many things I was literally overwhelmed by all the information and obviously he noticed that.  
"I'll give you some brochures where you can read most of this again but if you have any questions don't hesitate and call. Also in the first 12 weeks the risk for a miscarriage is..."  
Right then another wave of sickness overcame me and I headed for the nearest dustbin.   
Afterwards he helped me up and looked worriedly at me.  
"When did you last eat something?"  
"Two days ago."  
"Oh. Please try to eat something but if you can't hold it in come back, either tonight or tomorrow morning. I'll also give you a prescription for some vitamins which you can take in addition."  
"Yes, okay. Thank you."  
Finally we said our good-byes and one of the receptionists accompanied me down to the street and waited until I sat in a taxi.

Once back home I headed straight for my room and got back into bed, I hadn't really done anything but I felt so exhausted. I slept almost the whole afternoon till 5 pm. Blinking my eyes I rolled from my belly to my back. Damn! Was I even allowed to sleep on my belly anymore?  
I sat up slowly and stretched a bit and for the first time in days I felt hungry. I crawled out of bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Emma stood next to the fridge putting away some groceries.   
"Oh, hi. Are you feeling better? What did the Doctor say?"  
"Thanks yes and I'm actually a bit hungry. And nothing to worry."   
"Great. Maybe I should make some porridge. Mum always made that when we were sick."  
"You? Cook? Then I also could shoot myself right away!"  
"Haha! Very funny!"  
"Sorry. But seriously?"  
"Well, that's pretty much the only thing I can cook."  
"Okay, then. That would be lovely. Thank you." Out of an impulse I hugged her, she was a real friend.

While she was cooking I sat down on the sofa and turned on the telly. I was watching an old episode of Hawaii Five-0 when there was a loud smashing sound from the hallway followed by Emma swearing. As I turned I saw her carrying a big tray with a bowl, some dishes and a tea cup which she put onto the table before me.  
"What was that?"  
"Oh, I just knocked some things off the small table in the hall. Don't worry. Enjoy."  
"Thank you."  
With that she disappeared again and I started to eat. Surprisingly it tasted quite good. I just ate the second spoon when something crossed my mind. The table! I had put my handbag with all the flyers and my medicine on there. But had I closed the zipper? Fuck!  
As answer I heard Emma's voice "What the fuck?" and as I turned I already saw her standing in the door looking confused and holding the flyers in her hand. Shit!  
"Are you...? No way!"  
I couldn't stop my tears from falling which was answer enough for her.  
"But how? You don't even have a boyfriend."  
What the hell should I say to that? I let your brother fuck me and now I'm pregnant and he gives a shit about me? No.  
"It was a one-night-stand. We used a condom but apparently those aren't 100 percent save."  
"Fucking shit! When did that happen? And who is he?"  
"About six weeks back when you were in Brighton." I ignored her second question and hoped she would forget about it.  
"Gosh. And what are you going to do?"  
"I honestly don't know."  
"Have you told him?"  
"No, and I won't.”  
“Why not?”  
“I tried to call him the day after and he didn't answer so forget about him."  
"Damn. What an idiot."  
I didn't say anything more and ate in silence. Afterwards we watched some telly and I went back to my room soon. Luckily my stomach seemed to have calmed down and I started to feel a bit better. I laid down on my bed reading the brochures and at first it didn't seem too bad until I read that on average pregnant women gained about 10 to 15 kilograms, never mind stretchmarks, growing tits and more horrible things.  
Then it hit me like a train: what about my job? I had just started working for them they'd surely not be happy about me getting a baby. And I loved the job. But even if I could keep the job what about the baby? Sure, I could let someone adopt it but why? I always wanted children but like that? No, definitely not. I wanted a family, a real family with I guy who loved me, a small house, two or maybe even more children and possibly a little dog. This would be perfect but as so many things in my life it wasn't.  
An abortion, however, would pretty much solve all my problems. But could I really do that? Kill a living thing? It wasn't its fault that I had been so stupid. I mean I'm not really religious but it was alive after all although people said it wasn't yet. But it had a fucking heartbeat. No, I couldn't do that.  
So what alternative did I have? Maybe my mum would help me with the baby, however, that meant I had to move back home and get another job. No, I didn't want that.  
Maybe the adoption was the solution after all. I could help a couple be happy and I wouldn't have to worry about anything after birth. But would I be able to give it away after carrying it in my body for nine months?   
I remembered an episode of Grey's Anatomy where also a young mother had just given birth and couldn't give it away after holding it for the first time. I had thought I also couldn't do that. Well, fuck!  
I lay awake all night and thought about everything, over and over again. What could I do?


	7. Plans and Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another meeting of Tom and Sandra coming up and some good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to finish sooner than expected although it's only a short chapter.  
> Enjoy!

The following weeks where pretty hard. I barely slept and my emotions overwhelmed me quite often. At home that wasn't the problem as Emma knew what was going on but at work...   
Sometimes I was angry or aggressive without any noteable reason or without warning I started to cry or had to throw up. Damn hormones!

One day was particularly bad. My team and I were planning another big premiere and nothing seemed to work: for the location for the after party there had been a double booking. I shouted at the poor girl who was responsible for the booking but I didn't even know whether it was her fault. Then we got a call from the catering company they had lost our meal plan and the order with the amount of beverages. I grabbed the phone from my assistant and screamed at the guy at the other end on the top of my lungs. Everybody around me stopped what they were doing, even my boss looked out of his office to see what was going on.  
After we had settled the biggest problems his secretary came over and said that I should come to his office. Great!  
I entered the office and I could already feel the tears boiling up. He motioned me to sit and then asked what was going on with me lately.  
"Some trouble at home," I lied. It was only the tenth week and I had read that in the first 12 weeks the most miscarriages happened and that usually people only announced it later.  
"Oh. But that has to stay at home, you know that! So far I have been really pleased with your work but your current state is not acceptable."  
My eyes watered and I started crying, how emberrassing. Displeased he looked at me and as he opened his mouth again to say something, I felt another sudden wave of sickness. I jumped up, headed round his desk to where I knew his bin was and threw up.  
He handed me a hanky and looked at me sceptically.  
"Your 'trouble' at home doesn't involve a baby, does it?"  
My jaw dropped and I looked at him wide-eyed. Was it that obvious? Did they all know?  
"I've got three kids, so I know the mood swings of a pregnant woman. How far along are you?"  
"Tenth week," I whispered in a voice that didn't sound like my own.  
He nodded and finally smiled at me "Congratulations."  
My face must have given it away that I wasn't really happy about it, because he looked at me kind of worried.  
"Wasn't planned, was it?"  
"No."  
"Well, our first one wasn't either but once he was there we loved him and wouldn't want to miss it."  
I just nodded, I was sure I would love him or her but there just was no "we" which was the biggest problem I guessed.  
After some more kind words he sent me home for the rest of the day and as it was already Thursday he said I could stay at home on Friday as well.  
On my way home I bought a newspaper and halted as there was another pic of Tom and Nicole at some restaurant. Tom looked quite angry into the camera. The short article read: 'One of Britains most eligible bachelors, Tom Hiddleston, was spotted out and about with girlfriend Nicole Hampton. An insider claims that they have been together for over a year and they were already making future plans. So it looks like Hiddleston is off the market.   
Online there have been mixed reactions to this outcome from hatred to best wishes for their future.'  
Disgusted I threw the paper into the next dustbin and walked home.

The next morning I slept till 9.30 am and as I came down I wanted to make some breakfast, only to find the fridge almost empty. I hadn't had time to go shopping all week and Emma just didn't. Like I had called for her she came around the corner. Angrily I glared at her.  
"Good morning Sands. How are you feeling?"  
"Hungry!"  
"Oh, shit. Yeah, I wanted to go shopping yesterday, but didn't make it."  
Yeah because she was shagging James all evening and night, but I didn't say anything.  
"You know, you just lie down on the sofa and I go quickly."  
"Thanks, that would be lovely."  
I walked over to the living room and sat down on the sofa. I turned on the TV and checked what was on. Finally I settled for a documentary about ocean turtles. As I made myself comfortable Emma came in with a blanket.  
"If you're cold. Do you want anything particular from the store?"  
"Oh, some ice cream would be nice, strawberry maybe or blueberry although vanilla would be nice too. Oh and crisps, you know the corn ones with pepper."  
"Okay. See you later."  
She hugged me and left. I made myself a hot chocolate and lay down cuddling into the blanket. I was just falling into a light slumber when the doorbell rang. Was Emma already back and had forgotten her keys? Well, she usually did. Slowly I literally rolled off the sofa and went to the door. Opening it I already turned my back to it again saying "Forgot your keys again?"  
"Ahm, no." A dark, familiar voice said. Tom! Oh, no. Immediately I stopped and thought about slamming the door into his face but that would probably be a bit late already. Just to confirm that I heard the door closing and some steps coming closer. Slightly panicking I headed for the sofa. Why I hadn't gone to my room? No idea.  
To my horror he followed me. I cuddled back into my blanket and stretched out as much as possible blocking the whole sofa so there was no place for him to sit.   
"Do you have the day off?"  
I ignored him and stared at the telly.  
"Is Emma out?" He stroled over to the arm chair and sat down looking at me, I could almost feel it.  
"Sandra, I know I messed up and I'm sorry. Not for sleeping with you but for treating you like I did. I was just so confused when I woke laying next to you. I needed some time to think, I wanted to go for a run but as I got home Nicole was there and w..."  
"Do I look like I fucking care? You made your decision. Fine! But don't expect me to understand it. And now shut up, I want to see this." Maybe I sounded a bit harsher than intended but I didn't care. He probably didn't feel nearly as bad as I had.  
To my surprise he stayed quiet and watched as well but as about ten minutes later there was a comercial break he started again.  
"We have been together for over a year and what she said kind of made sense and I somehow didn't want to throw all that away altho..."

Right then the door opened and Emma came in.  
"I'm back with buckets of ice cream and loads mo... Tom? What are you doing here?"  
"Just wanted to give you something for mum's birthday as I'll be off for the next three months from Sunday, as you know."  
"Oh, right."  
"Do you need help?"  
"Sure, thanks."  
Finally he stood up and left the room as I couldn't keep my tears any longer. I even understood what he meant. But what about me? All he had said was basically that he absolutely didn't give a shit about me and my feelings. Great! And his apology didn't make it any better. But what I didn't and couldn't understand was why he had forgiven her. Either she had slept with someone else or aborted his or her lovers child. WTF?! I never could forgive something like that, not in a million years. Luckily the programme started again and I focused on that hearing them talk in the kitchen.

I had just switched to something else when Emma came in holding a plate.  
"Full English breakfast, just for you!"  
I rose my brow looking curiously at her, she never had made breakfast before, not like that anyway. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tom looking at me. Yeah, of course, this must be his doing. I almost thought to say I wasn't hungry anymore but the little thing inside me insisted on some food so I looked at her and thanked her before I started eating.  
Only moments later Emma and Tom joined me each of them having a plate in hands.

I had finished first which was a total surprise because I usually always was the last one. But despite the quite generous amount of food I still felt hungry so I got up, grabbed the plate and headed for the kitchen. Looking into the fridge I suddenly knew what I or maybe it wanted. Ice cream! I grabbed a bowl and but in two big spoons full of ice. Walking back into the living room I got a weird glance from Tom and a smile from Emma.  
Tom kept looking at me like I was an alien and had Emma not been there I would have shouted at him like an insane person. Who did he think he was? It was partly his fault after all. She also must have seen his glances as she asked jokingly "Want some as well?"  
"What?" Startled he looked at her.  
"Ice cream?"  
"Ahm, no. Not now anyway."  
"So your going to Australia, right?"  
"Yeah."  
"Three months you said, right?"  
"About. How long we'll be shooting depends on how we'll get along."  
"And Nicole?" I couldn't help it but roll my eyes at her name which Tom of course caught. Not wanting to hear any more I got up and left for my room.

Two weeks later I had another check up and Emma went with me. She went completely nuts when she saw the little thing in the ultrasonic scan. If only I could have shared her enthiusiasm. I still hadn't quite decided what to do with the baby. If I kept it who would look after it when I was working and if I wasn't working how should I pay my bills? Of course I could ask my dad for money, he had more than he would ever be able to spend but I didn't want to. And mum? Well, there was only one way to find out!  
It took me, however, two more weeks before I finally had the guts to tell her.  
"Oh, hi sweety. How are you doing?"  
"Better again. Mum, I need to tell you something."  
"Okay? What is it?"  
I inhaled deeply and whispered "Mum, I'm pregnant." First there was no answer and for a moment I thought she maybe had fainted. "Mum?"  
"What? You're joking, right?"  
"No, I'm not." I felt my eyes watering.  
"But how? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend or did you just not tell me?"  
"It was an accident. A one-night-stand with a guy I thought that liked me. But he fucked off the morning after."  
"Shit, sweetheart. How far along are you?"  
"14th week."  
"What? But that's already too late for an abortion! Didn't you notice any sooner?" That answer and her reproachful voice was answer enough, wasn't it?  
Tears ran down my face "No, I've known for about two months now. And I couldn't have an abortion. I just couldn't."  
"Oh, darling. But what are you going to do? You won't keep it, will you?"  
"I honestly don't know yet."  
"Maybe we should just fly to some country where they still do abortions later. Or..."  
"Mum! No! I won't kill it!"  
"But darling you can't ju..."  
"I've got to go now. Bye mum."  
I didn't wait for the reply and hung up. I laid down onto my bed crying. As I had suspected before there was no help to be expected from her.

Minutes later my phone rang and I thought it was my mum again but as I looked at the display it was Alex.  
"Alex, hi."  
"Hi, Sandy. What's up? You sound like you've had a bad day?"  
"Well, could have been better."  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"Actually yes, but maybe on Skype or something."  
"Or you just head for the airport and come over. I've got a week off. You said you would visit me sometime soon."  
Yes, I had but once the baby was here... So why not now? I just had to call my boss and ask for a couple of days off. I had read that travelling was no problem in the second trimester of pregnancy.  
"You know that's a brilliant idea. Let me just call my boss. I'll call you right back."

And it worked, so about six hours later I got off the plane in Munich where Alex picked me up. But as soon as she saw me she knew what my "surprise" was as I had put it on the phone.  
"How the fuck did that happen?"  
She hugged me and then looked down my body. I hadn't realised it was that obvious already.  
"Well, the stork bit me."  
"Smartass. Come on, let's talk somewhere private."  
We went to her car and drove off, after about 45 minutes we reached her little house in the middle of nowhere. She insisted on carrying my bag for me and brought me in.  
Sitting down on the sofa she studied me.  
"So tell me what happened!"  
I had to laugh lightly, I knew I could trust her but still I wasn't quite sure whether I should tell her everything. "Well, I had a one-night-stand we used a condom but... Surprise!"  
"One-night-stand? You're not a girl for a one-night-stand."  
I just shrugged my shoulders. She really knew me like no one else, probably even better than my mum.  
"Oh, come on, you know that you can tell me anything."  
Again tears started to run down my face, a few words were enough to make me weep like a child, and being the best friend possible she hugged me tightly.  
Finally I inhaled deeply and told her "Okay, fine. But you have to swear by your life that you won't tell anybody."  
"Okay?" Confused she looked at me.  
"I had sex with Tom. I..."  
"Hang on a sec. Tom? Hiddleston? You're joking!"  
"No. I thought he liked or maybe even loved me. He had a super bad day, some serious shit with his well girlfriend who I thought after hearing his story was his ex-girlfriend, and we were hanging out eating and watching a movie then he kissed me. I kissed back of course, I mean who wouldn't. Then he, well, went further. And to be honest I didn't mind."  
"Fuck. Who would?"  
"Exactly, and he was really lovely. I fell asleep in his arms but in the morning he was gone. I called and texted him the next morning but didn't get an answer. Only to find out he went back to her, dropping me like a hot potato. Well and then came the big surprise."  
"Shit! What a wanker!"  
"Yep."  
"Have you talked to him since?"  
"Wouldn't call it 'talked'. The first time he came around he started the 'I'm so sorry' number but I just yelled at him. Then two weeks back I saw him again and he tried to explain that he didn't want to give up the relationship with her. Blablabla... Basically he said he didn't care about me, I just ignored him."  
"God, I'm so sorry Sandy. Do you know already what you will do? With the baby I mean."  
"Not really. I've thought about giving it up for adoption but I don't think I can do that once I've held it in my arms. But I can't keep it either, I mean I need to work and who will look after it then? I don't have the money for a babysitter."  
"What about your mum?"  
"Well, she suggested an abortion. Very helpful."  
"Didn't you consider that?"  
"Sure, but I saw it. It had a fucking heartbeat already."  
"Yeah, I couldn't do that either, I guess. Does Emma know?"  
"Only that I'm pregnant, nothing more. And I won't tell her because I don't want to risk her friendship."  
"Don't you think she would kick his stupid ass?"  
"Maybe but he's her brother after all. She could also think that I wanted to trap him. And her friendship is more important to me than to try and find out."  
"Don't you have a crèche at work? Then you could take it there with you?"  
"I actually have no idea but that would be the solution. I'll call my boss tomorrow morning and find out. That would be perfect."  
For the first time in days, no weeks, I felt positive, that would be just perfect but doubting my luck I didn't think it would work. After that we had dinner and had a fun evening.

The next morning I called my boss only to find out that we didn't have one but the company two floors down had and that I possibly could bring my baby there against a little payment. Perfect! Afterwards I felt so relieved and enjoyed the time with Alex. We checked out all the sights like the Neuschwanstein Castle, went up the Zugspitze and more. I had such a good time.

The week went by in the blink of an eye and before I knew it I was back in London. But knowing I had a solution for all or maybe for most of my problems it wasn't too bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to all of you from Germany!


	8. Breakups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a lot of heavy stuff, some good things coming up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy that you guys enjoy it. Already writing on the next chapter...  
> Enjoy!

Emma was lovely, she looked after me and accompanied me to my appointments at the Doctor's. I had decided that I didn't want to know the gender of the baby after thinking it over and over. But it didn't really matter as I didn't have any preferences.  
With every passing week I felt more like a elephant, my feet swole and I after 16 weeks I had gained about 5 kilograms, more than on average - of course. Also I had more and more backpain I normally couldn't sit in my office chair longer than an hour till it became unbearable, plus I was waddling like a fucking duck. 

I was in the 19th week and Diana stopped by at the weekend. Friday she and Emma had gone shopping, they also had invited me along but I wouldn't have made it far so I had stayed at home and made dinner.   
Saturday we went out for lunch and as the weather was nice we sat outside in our little yard and had tea and cake. Diana just told me about her pregnancies and if I had any questions I could always phone her no matter what time of day. She also offered to help me once the baby was here which was more than my own mother had offered. I actually hadn't spoken to her for weeks.  
In tears I embraced her but suddenly I had a weird feeling in my womb. What was going on? I stood up straight and I must have looked like deer in the headlights of a car as both, Emma and Diana, sprinted to my side.  
"What is it Sandra?"  
"I don't know." There it was again almost like a muscle tremor. I put my hand onto my belly. I couldn't have a miscarriage, not now!  
Then Diana smiled and placed her hand next to mine and there it was again and her smile grew even bigger.  
"No need to worry, it's just moving."  
"What?" Disbelievingly I stared at her.  
"Will keep you up at night most likely. It usually helps if you talk to stop it. Well, at least it did with Sarah and Emma. Tom, however, never seemed to have been able to keep still."  
"Hi baby. I..." Overwhelmed some tears ran down my face and I felt a deep happiness.

And also Diana had been right, the little thing kept me up. At the beginning it hadn't been too bad but now three weeks later I barely slept. During the day when I was working it kept still but as soon as I sat down to rest or wanted to sleep it started moving. It helped if I walked up and down, played music or talked to it.   
One night none of this seemed to help, it was already 2 am and I hadn't slept a single second and no matter what I did it didn't keep still. Didn't it have to sleep as well? Finally I had enough of walking about, my feet and back hurt like shit already. So I laid down onto my bed and closed my eyes but it still had a fucking dance party in my belly. Immediately I thought of Tom dancing about and had to smile. Well, this must be his fault then. I hadn't heard of him since he left and I wasn't sad about it. I, no we were fine. We didn't need him.  
"You know little baby you don't have to behave like your dad. He won't come back to us and we don't need him, we'll be just fine without him. But could you maybe just close your eyes now and sleep. Mummy's tired and needs to sleep. I have to go to work tomorrow and earn some money for us. Well not tomorrow, today actually. Or are you singing Happy Birthday for me? That's really nice of you, thank you. But I really need to sleep now and you too."  
I stroked my hand over my belly and sang My Hometown by Bruce Springsteen and finally it seemed to rest. Hallelujah!

In the morning I hardly made it out of bed, may back screaming in pain as I managed to somehow roll out of bed. I showered and got dressed. Shocked I noticed my favorite bra didn't quite fit anymore. Perfect. Everywhere I had read that the breasts would normally only grow in the sixth months but of course I had to be the exception. Well, it would have to do.  
I went downstairs where Emma was already waiting with breakfast. She didn't have to work and normally would stay in bed longer but for the last weeks she had always been up and had made breakfast already.  
"Morning Em."  
"Morning. How did you sleep?"  
"Not so good, really. Little Rambo decided to have a party."  
"Damn. Come on, sit down and eat."  
"Thank you. You're the best friend anyone could wish for."  
"Oh, come on. It's not a big deal."  
"For me it is. So thank you sooooooo much. From both of us, right little baby?"  
"You're really cute. I'm sure you'll be a great mum."  
"Thanks. Can't be worse than mine!"

After breakfast I went to work and unfortunately everybody knew it was my birthday. Damn! I didn't really want to celebrate, I had even called my mum saying I wouldn't be home that day so she didn't have to bother and come. My colleagues were lovely though. My boss' wife had even baked a cake and they had bought cute little rompers with a Teddy on it. Once more my emotions overwhelmed me and I cried like a baby.  
After work I went home which had become a torture by now, all those stairs from the tube station up to the street! Luckily the one at my office had escalators. I invited Emma for a nice dinner out at our favorite Italian restaurant. I changed quickly getting into a dress I had bought online which looked quite nice despite my gigantic body. The doorbell rang and only moments later Emma called for me. I walked downstairs and didn't quite trust my eyes.  
"Dad? What are you doing here?"  
"Hi Sandra. You look great! Happy birthday!"  
"Happy birthday?" Shocked Emma looked from my dad to me and back. "You didn't say a word. Fuck." She came over and hugged me congratulating me.  
My dad stood there and watched us smiling.  
"Thanks, to both of you." Somehow I was shocked to see dad there, he never bothered to come to my birthday and then I hadn't been living half across the country.  
"Hasn't mum told you that I wa..."  
"You weren't home?" Looking at me he rose his brow. Apolgetic I shrugged my shoulders.  
"Don't you want to come in?"  
"Sure."  
"Do you want to drink something?"  
"Some water maybe. Thanks."  
"Don't worry, I'll get it." Emma turned and headed for the kitchen while we went to the living room.  
"You're mum also told me that you'll be mum soon and I almost had a heart attack." Great, so he was here to persuade me to give it away or whatever. I opened my mouth to protest but he raised his index finger silencing me.  
"Because I thought that wanker Rudy was the origins of that. But then your mum said he definitely wasn't and she didn't know who was and that it had been an accident. She also asked me if I knew someone who would help us 'get rid of' the baby and I almost had another heart attack."  
Emma brought the glass of water and looked at him curiously as did I.  
"Thanks. And I came to tell you that I'll support you, both of you, financially and if you want me to I'll also babysit from time to time."  
My jaw dropped. Did he just really say that? My dad?  
"I'll retire in the summer at least from my managing job but I've been asked to be a consultant for another London-based club. So I'll probably move here as well. Which will make it quite easy."  
Pinching myself I looked from dad to Emma asking if she had just heard the same and smiling she nodded.  
"I know I've never been a good father but maybe I can be a good grandpa."  
Once again tears streamed down my face, I couldn't quite believe it. Automatically I moved and threw myself at him hugging him tightly.  
"Do you know whether it will be a boy or girl yet?"  
"Well I decided to let it be a surprise."  
"Good. Doesn't matter anyway. Main thing is that both of you are healthy."  
Was that really my dad? I have never known him that caring.  
"Yes. But what about Alice?" God, Alice, his new wife, she could have come straight from some horror movie.  
"Well, we're getting divorced. Greedy bitch. Thankfully I've made a marriage contract with her."  
"Oh, do you want to see a picture?"  
"A picture?"  
"From the last ultrasonic testing two weeks ago."  
"Oh, yes."   
I got my handbag and showed him, he smiled all over the face. We talked a bit longer and then he took us out for dinner. 

At night as I laid on my bed I was still not convinced that all of this had really happened.  
"Looks like we finally have got some luck little baby. You probably won't have a dad, not right away anyway, but a grandpa. That's better than nothing, isn't it?"

About four weeks later I had the day off and was baking some muffins. Emma just got ready for work as the phone rang. In my slow steps I waddled to the phone.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi, Sandra. It's Tom, I..."  
I took the phone away from my ear and called for Emma. Only moments later she came down.  
"What is it? Are you okay?"  
"Yeah. It's just your brother on the phone."  
Handing her the phone I turned and walked back to the kitchen. I continued to cut the apples hearing Emma talk in the living room.  
"No, I don't think so. - Tom, please. - Try, when you're back. - Well, then tell me what's going on. - No. - Next week? - No, Tom. - Hang on a sec."  
I heard her go upstairs and close the door to her room. Well, I didn't really care what they were talking about anyway. Continuing my baking I focused on that and turned on the radio. Only after five minutes she came back down smiling widely.  
"Guess what? My stupid brother finally found his senses again and broke up with that stupid cow Nicole!"  
"And?" I didn't really care.  
"He wanted me to greet you."  
"Aha."  
"I'll go over to his place tonight after work, he had told her to put her spare key into his mailbox but actually I'm quite sure she won't. Damn, by tonight she possibly could have cleaned out the whole place."  
"Or had made some copies of the keys."  
"Shit. Absolutely. Damn, and I have to go to work now. You possibly couldn't go over and watch that she's not stealing his things? Please?"  
Rolling my eyes I nodded, at least he wouldn't be home and I didn't do it for him only for Emma.  
"That's great. Come on, I'll drop you off there and after I'm done I'll pick you up again."  
"And what about my muffins?"  
"You can finish them later or take the stuff with you and finish them at Tom's."  
Putting the apples in the fridge I grabbed my stuff and we left.

The house looked abandoned but as we went up to the front door we heard something shatter inside. Emma opened the door with her spare key and right in the hallway were already three big boxes full of stuff.  
"What the hell?" I literally could see Emma's rage building as she grabbed a CD from one box. That very moment Nicole came round the corner and when she saw us she just smirked evil.  
"Look who's here Fat and Dumb!"  
We just looked at each other and went for her, to her misery we caught her before she could hide in the groundfloor bathroom. Emma grabbed her shoulder but I wasn't that gentle. Tugging her hair I dragged her down the hallway.  
"God! Look at you, you fat cow! Who was stupid enough to put his dick into you?"  
She hissed at me and I slapped her right across the face, so hard my hand actually hurt. "Well, I'm not the one who's cheating on her boyfriend and then got an abortion not knowing whose child it was!"  
Both, Emma and Nicole stared shocked at me, Nicole because I knew about it and Emma probably because she hadn't known about that.  
"Yeah, of course he told you. He's kind of into you,you know. He likes big tits. Did he send you up the duff?"  
Grabbing the first thing at hand which was an ugly dog statue I threw it at her. It failed its target only by inches, the dog, however, shattered into a thousand pieces on the walkway leading up to the front door. She started to yell something but I just slammed the door shut closing her out.  
Only then I realized I was crying and once more Emma was right there hugging me. Once I had calmed down a bit she swore because she now would definitely be late for her shoot.  
"Don't worry I'll be alright. Just come back when you're finished."  
"Okay. I think I'll also call someone to change the locks but I'll text you before he arrives."  
We hugged again and Emma went to the door turning back again before she closed the door behind her "Don't take it personally, she's just a stupid bitch. We'll talk later. Love you."  
Smiling I waved at her as she finally left.

I slowly walked over to his sofa where we had sat after he had found me in the cold. Right then the baby started kicking like it was playing football or something.  
"Shhhh, little baby. I know we are at daddy's place but thank God he isn't here." The kicking got even worse, it actually hurt. "I know she is a bi... bad human being but he chose her over me. I can't help that I'm not as pretty as her but also not nearly as stupid as her." Then whispering to myself "Or she's just better in bed."  
In the end the intensity of the kicks decreased and I thought some music would be nice. Surely he wouldn't mind if I helped myself. I was shocked how little there were. Nicole must have packed up most into the boxes. I put in The Killers and danced a bit but I soon was exhausted and out of breath.   
Doctor Ratcliff had said that it was normal because the growing baby crushed the lungs and other organs but I couldn't even take a flight of stairs without panting like after a marathon. Never mind that I was a fucking elephant and had still about three months to go, so by that time I probably would look like a whale.

The ringing of my phone startled me, thankfully I looked at the number before I picked up - it was Tom. The noise must have woken the baby as it started kicking again.  
"Now he woke you. Great. Typical man, absolutely useless." I sat down on the sofa stretching my limbs. Stroking over my belly I thought that maybe it would be better to know the gender anyway because then I could address the baby with he or she not with it and despite all the neutral baby clothes some typical blue or pink would be nice. It would be really weird if you bought blue stuff and than it was a girl and everyone would go "Oh, what a beautiful boy." That surely would be traumatising.   
Shit, but what if the baby would be one of this ugly babies. I know we've all seen some and you think "God, what an ugly thing!" Strangely the parents usually went "Isn't he / she cute. Cutest baby in the world." I always wondered if they really thought that or they just said it. But I guess it was mother nature tricking them to say it. I mean if you thought your baby was ugly maybe you wouldn't take care of it as well.

Again my phone distracted my thoughts, this time it was Emma.  
"Hi, everything okay?"  
"Yeah. Got in trouble for being late?"  
"Not too much. Listen, I spoke to Tom and he'll call a friend to change the locks just stay there. There possibly won't be much to eat, Tom said, but in the first drawer on the left in the kitchen there are some take away menues so just order something if you get hungry."  
"Okay."  
"Did she come back?"  
"Not yet."  
"Good. Thanks again for helping out. See you later Sands."  
"See you."  
I actually was hungry, already. So I ordered something checking my wallet first to see how much money I had. It felt like ages till the food finally arrived.   
Afterwards I lay down on the sofa and it didn't take long until I fell into a light slumber.

The doorbell woke me about two hours later and it took me ages to get up and walk to the door. It was the guy who would change the locks. He was really lovely telling me that he had just become a father himself, that it was quite tough and they barely slept but they loved it nevertheless.   
Well, 'they' in my case there was only 'me', of course different people had offered their help but that wasn't the same. He finished sooner than I thought and handed me a set of the new keys. I thanked and tipped him before he left.

Alone again I turned on the telly watching some old Top Gear episodes. I always had enjoyed the show, I wasn't the big car fan but the humor in it was always great. At some point I had enough and as I didn't know what to do I grabbed the smallest of the boxes and looked through it. Most things had been from Tom's office.   
He had once shown me around the house and I was totally fascinated with his "office". All the walls had been draped with pics and articles which helped him prepare for his roles. I kind of laughed and said jokingly that it looked like the room of a psychopath who's stalking someone. On his desk had been several pictures of his family and friends, his computer and other bits and pieces. All of which were now laying in the box, what did she want to do with all of this?   
As I knew her, I thought she'd probably sell them on Ebay or something. The box wasn't too heavy so I carried it to Tom's office and as I was really bored I started to put them back into place which didn't take very long. Finally only three pics were in the box and as I grabbed the next one and put it up. I didn't trust my eyes. It was one of him and me that Emma had taken one evening when we had gone out, first for a nice dinner and then to the cinema. We made stupid faces as I had said that I hated pictures of me. I had had no idea that he had it on his desk. But why was it still there? We hadn't really spoken for about six months apart from his sad excuses.

The doorbell startled me, I quickly put it down and headed for the door.  
"Hi, Sands. I'm back."  
"Em. How was your day?"  
"Quite good I have to say. Are you okay?"  
"Yeah. Just a bit tired, as usually. Let's go home."  
"I actually brought some food. It would be cold till we're home so let's just eat here."  
"Sure."  
She had bought loads of Chinese food and we ate talking about the events of the day.  
"You know, Sands I wouldn't be surprised to find the whole story on the title of some tabloid the next days."  
"You might be right on that. Let's just hope she doesn't have some nude pics of him somewhere," I joked, having no idea that I was pretty close to what would come up.  
"Gosh, yeah. Sands, can I ask you something?"  
"Course."  
"Did she really cheat on him and have an abortion?"  
"Yeah, I guess."  
"He told you that?"  
"Yes."  
"Is that why you are so angry at Tom, for going back to her after she'd done this? Or is it maybe more?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, when she said he was into you and if it had been him who impregnated you, your face kind of changed."  
I furrowed my brow looking at her.   
"I'm quite sure you like or better liked him a lot, too."  
Tears started to fall again and her arms were immediately around me. "Do you love him Sands? Is that why you don't talk to him anymore?"  
Had she asked me a couple of months ago I would have said yes but now I wasn't so sure anymore. I mean I couldn't possibly love him, not after all he had done to me, but nevertheless I sometimes found myself wishing that he hadn't chosen her that he would be with me.  
"No, I don't. And yes I'm angry at him for going back to her. In some way he doesn't deserve any better than her making a big fuss about there splitting up."  
"Yeah, I guess you're right."  
"Please don't tell him that you know about the things with Nicole."  
"Why?"  
"I'm sure he would have told you if he wanted you to know."  
"Okay, sure. He's an idiot for going back to her in the first place anyway. He isn't the fathern of your baby though, is he?"  
"What? No!" God, I hoped my acting talent was convincing enough.  
"Good. Come on, let's pack it up and go home."

That night I dreamt of him:   
It was the morning after again, only that he hadn't left this time. So when I woke his arms were still firmly wrapped around me. Nuzzling my face into the pillow when I woke he started to kiss my cheek and neck whispering "Good morning, love. Did you sleep well?"  
"Hmm. You?"  
"With a beautiful girl in my arm I always sleep well."  
I rolled my head to face him and we kissed passionately, tongue and everything. I moved my hips back a bit wanting to feel him, and I did. He was rock hard already. I turned around so I was facing him and stuck my tongue into his mouth whilst grabbing his hard on and stroking it slowly.  
"God, Sandra! That's soooo good. Don't stop!"  
I moved closer to him putting my leg over his hip and rubbed his tip over my clit. Soon we both moaned and the contact wasn't enough anymore. I pushed him onto his back and straddled him. Placing his erection at my entrance, I slowly sank down onto him. I loved the way he felt inside of me as I started to ride him hard.

And right then I woke, horny as fuck. Damn! I pressed my thighs together searching for some friction but it wasn't nearly enough. I put my hand down between my legs but I barely reached my clit due to my enormous belly.   
Great, even in his absence Tom tortured me. I started kneading my breasts and pinching my nipples, at least I could do that but it made the whole throbbing between my legs only worse. Then I remembered that Alex had given me a vibrator a couple of years back for my birthday saying "If Rudy doesn't want to sleep with you, you have to help yourself."  
I took it from the drawer of my bedside table, of course I had used it before but not for a while so I hoped the batteries wouldn't be flat. I turned the little switch and it started buzzing.   
I had read that sex was no problem during pregnancy but still I was very careful, first I only pressed it against my clit and as that wasn't enough I put it slowly into me a bit. It felt so damn good and it didn't take long till I climaxed. Panting heavily I turned it off again laying my sweaty head back onto the pillow.  
Just as I had calmed down a bit the baby started moving. Glancing at the clock I saw it was only 4.30 am.  
"Sorry, little baby I didn't want to wake you. Sleep."  
I slowly rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom, I needed to pee anyway and I could clean my toy without Emma seeing me.

Of course the baby didn't want to sleep anymore and so I couldn't as well. At 6.30 am I finally got up and made breakfast. Half an hour later James came down looking surprised when he saw me there. I normally was never up by that time. We had a nice conversation over breakfast and afterwards he left for work. Emma was really lucky to have someone like him.

On my way to work I opened the newspaper just to find a big picture of guess who, Nicole, of course. The headline read "Tom Hiddleston not the Gentleman we thought?!" I had to snort at that. Hadn't it been because of her I would have laughed. The article itself was an interview with her where she basically said that Tom had treated her sooooooo badly and split up on the phone with her. Apart from that it was their whole history, how they had met, their dates, etc. I was almost surprised to find nothing about their sex-life in there. Well, he didn't deserve any better. Nevertheless I texted Emma to warn her about it and when I got home in the evening she was furious. She had just spoken to Tom who was absolutely pissed and thought about taking legal action against her.

Two days later on Saturday I was still in bed when my phone rang.   
"Hi, Alex. How are you?"  
"Fine. You?"  
"Surprisingly good."  
"Good to hear. What are you doing?"  
"Laying in bed relaxing. Why?"  
"Turn on your computer and check your e-mails."  
"Why?" Her tone worried me. "What's going on?" I got up which took forever and turned my laptop on.  
"Let's just say, it was quite a shock when I saw it and it's all over the internet."  
Confused I opened my browser and entered my e-mail account.  
"Have you got it?"  
"Hang on a sec." I clicked on her mail and was even more confused. "It's only a link?!"  
"Yeah, open it!"  
I clicked and the website opened. It was a video so I pressed play. Furrowing my brow I took in the sight on my monitor: that were Tom and Nicole there, he was reading a book in bed while she sat on a chair brushing her hair. Not Tom's bedroom though.  
"What the hell?!"  
"Keep watching!"  
Nicole turned her head looking exactly at the camera then got up and into bed next to him. She cuddled against his apparently naked chest. Looking at her he smiled, wrapped an arm around her and focused on his book again. She pouted and stayed still for a while but not too long. You could see something moving beneath the blanket, probably her hand and then Tom's eyes widened and went to her.  
"What are you do... Fuck!"  
Obviously she was stroking him, I couldn't quite believe what I saw. It was like with an accident you knew you shouldn't look but couldn't look away either. She pulled the blanket away while Tom dropped the book onto the bed next to them throwing his head back against the headboard. Next she pushed his shorts down exposing his huge erection making sure that the camera had a good view. When she started to suck him off my stupor was eventually gone and I pressed stop.

"Where the hell did you find that?"  
"Like I said, it's all over the internet: Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter and so on."  
"You haven't watched it, have you?"  
"Well, I might have."  
"What?"  
"Come on, he's hot. They're getting pretty wild, let me tell you. Your still watching, aren't you?"  
"No way."  
"Well, I guess you saw it first hand anyway. Is he really that big?"  
"Alex!"  
"What? God, fuck!"  
In the background I heard some heavy moaning. "Are you still watching?"  
"Yeah. Shit he fucks her so hard she falls almost off the bed. Damn!"  
"I'm hanging up now. You can call me when you're finished. Bye!"

I didn't wait for her protest and put the phone away thinking about what to do. Despite what he had done to me, he didn't deserve this. This was private and was supposed to stay that.   
"Emma!"  
I wasn't sure if she even was at home but immediately after I had called her name she came running up the stairs. The door to my room flew open and she looked worriedly at me.  
"Everything alright?"  
"Yeah, I guess. Do you have the number of Tom's lawyer or publicist or someone?"  
"I think I've got Luke's number, why?"  
"Believe me you don't want to know exactly, let's just say Nicole made a little home video."  
Confused she stared at me. "What? I don't quite understand."  
I reversed the video to the start and pressed play, this time stopping already when her hand wandered down his body.  
"I think you can guess where this is going."  
"Bitch!" Emma's head was crimson with rage "Where did you find that? And have you watched it?"  
"Alex just called, she sent me the link and said it was all over the internet. And no, I haven't only about half a minute more." As I saw now it was almost a full hour long!  
"Fucking shit!" She spun around and ran down the hall to her room.   
Still swearing she came running back with her phone already pressed to her ear.  
"Hi, Luke. It's Emma Hiddleston. - Have you seen what that bitch Nicole has released? - No? - Well, she made a fucking porno. - Yes, of course with Tom. - Hang on, I'll send you the link. What's your e-mail address?"  
She clicked on remit and entered his address. "I don't know. I called you right away. My friend Sandra got it from one of her friends who said it was going viral already. - Yes, okay. Thanks. - Bye."  
She hung up, her head still red. "If I'll ever see that stupid bitch again I'll kill her with my bare hands." She typed on her phone again. "Hi Tom. I hope I won't ruin your day but have you heard about the little video your ex has possibly sold for a good sum of money? - Well, it looks like she wants to be a pornostar now. - No, with you. - No, I'm not joking. We've already informed Luke. He said he'll take care of it. - I don't know, I haven't watched it and I won't, your my brother after all. - No, I haven't. Sandra or better her friend Alex did. - No, she hasn't either. Do you really want us to see you shagging that brainless Barbie. - I told you, she wasn't good for you. But typical man always thinking with his dick! - Oh, Tom. I'm really sorry. I can't change anything about it. - Okay, see you next week then. Oh, before I forget, your new keys are at our place. - Yes, no problem. Don't worry, in a month everyone will have forgotten about it and it's not like you knew about that. - I will. Take care big brother. - Have a save flight. Bye."  
She shook her head, smiling at me lightly "Hit him like a train. Oh, and I should thank you in his behalf for your help and greet you."  
I nodded, and somehow I really felt sorry for him. Hopefully this wouldn't distroyed his career.

Luke did his job quite well and fast, as five minutes later Alex rang again and said it was offline. But of course it was a bit too late already because worldwide the video had been watched by over a million people as the media said. Of course it was in all newspapers, magazines, etc. over the next view days.   
Monday evening I was bored and zapped through the TV channels looking for something to watch when I came across one of those gossip magazines. I stopped initially because they just showed some footage and interviews of the the new X-Men movie but then the host announced an exclusive interview with Nicole Hampton after the commercial break. Fuck, why couldn't she just let him alone! Emma had gone to her room with James half an hour earlier and I didn't want to distract her.   
Luckily she had left her phone on the table so I grabbed it and went through her contacts. At first I found not what I was looking for, so I went to the dialed numbers. From Saturday morning there were only two outgoing calls one to Tom and one to WindsorL that must be him and I dialed the number. After three rings he picked up.  
I told him that I was watching telly and what was coming up. He started swearing and thanked me, quickly hanging up to stop the whole shit.  
I got something to drink and sat back down just as the interview started. First I thought about switching the channel but, no idea why, decided against it.  
The interviewer started "Nicole, how long had you been Tom Hiddleston's girlfriend?"  
"For over a year."  
"But you only recently went public?"  
"Yeah, Tom wasn't sure where we were going."  
"And now he broke up with you?"  
"He's filming in Australia and I wanted to visit him and he said I shouldn't because he didn't want to be with me anymore." Some tears ran down her face, obviously fake.  
"Last weekend a 'private' video of the two of you leaked. Did you know about that?"  
"No, I was so shocked when I heard about that." Yes, of course bitch!  
"Whose idea was it to make that video in the first place?"  
Here we go! "His. I mean I don't really know anything about filming and stuff like that." Yeah, but why were you posing for the camera then, bitch?  
"To be honest, I saw it and I was wondering if the sex always was like this?"  
"Well, he likes it hard I..."  
Right then the programme was interrupted by the host who said they weren't allowed to show the rest of the interview.  
Shaking my head I turned the telly off and went to bed, wondering how much make-up they had used to cover her obviously swolen cheek. Fucking bitch!


	9. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again some tough shit coming up but also some fluff!

Thursday I woke after hardly more than three hours of sleep feeling totally exhausted. First I couldn't sleep as Tom had called three times and even left a message but I deleted it without listening to it which turned out to have been a mistake as I laid awake for hours thinking what he wanted. But as far as I was concerned there was no reason to talk, he had made his decision six months ago. 

Emma had said he would be back home by the end of the week and I feared the moment he saw me. I mean he wasn't stupid and he probably could easily figure out that it was his baby. But what was I supposed to do or say when he confronted me with that? It was none of his business, it was my body and I was just fine without the sperm donor.

Just when I had fallen into a light slumber, I needed to pee. My back was killing me and I was happy when I had made it back to bed. I rolled to the side and closed my eyes, right then the baby decided it was time to get up and had another dance party.  
By the time I had finally fallen asleep it had been 4 am. So my mood wasn't very good as I walked to the tube station.   
It got harder and harder, all those stairs. First only going up was the problem as I was breathless half way up already but due to my swelling belly I now barely could see where I was going, never mind my aching back. I felt like a 100-years old woman. Some people even swore when they wanted to rush down the stairs and I was slowly rolling down them.  
Finally I made it to the platform only to see that there were massive delays but in about ten minutes three trains were due to arrive shortly after another. The platform was packed with commuters, everyone looked at their clocks. The buzzing of my phone startled me, Tom again. I just put it back into my pocket as the first train arrived.   
It was packed and only a handful of people managed to get in. I stayed behind as I didn't want to be squashed. As the next train approached I took some steps towards the edge of the platform. Again it was full, not as the one before but still. So I stepped back again inhaling slowly as my feet and my back hurt like shit. Nervously I glanced at the clock, I usually left early so I could take my time to work but now I really needed to hurry to get to work on time. A moment later the next train arrived and again I stepped towards the edge of the platform. But then someone jostled me, I lost my balance and fell forward.   
I already saw myself under that train as a strong hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back. I didn't fall onto the tracks luckily, however, I landed on my hands and my right knee which shot a wave of pain through my body making me forget about my feet and back.  
"Are you alright Miss?" The young man, with black hair and loads of piercings, who had grabbed me asked.  
"Yes, thanks to you."   
"Should I call an ambulance?"   
"No, just help me up, would you?"   
He smiled and helped me up guiding me towards the nearest door of the tube. Again the train was quite full but not as much as the two earlier. The guy glanced around looking for a place to sit, he was just about to say something to a middle-aged man when I waved him off.  
"I'm fine. But thank you so much."  
A young woman leaning against a spot near the door stepped aside so I could take her place. I thanked her and stepped over there. My knee was killing me, maybe I should have let him call for an ambulance after all. Then a sharp pain in my belly startled me. Bad time for a football match little baby.  
Three stops later someone sitting got off and the gentleman from earlier immediately blocked the seat for me getting a angry glance from a young businessman who would probably sit all day in his office anyway. Gratefully I sat down smiling at him as good as I could with all the pain. He got off two stops before me and I thanked him again and wished him a nice day.  
As I got up the pain in my belly came back. It felt like the baby was ripping my inners apart. Stepping onto the escalator I stroked my hand over my belly trying to soothe the little one. Only about 20 more steps separated me from the door to my office building and it was already nine but a few minutes late wouldn't really matter.  
By the time I was up the stairs I was breathless, my heart was racing, my back aching worse than ever and my knee almost buckled half way up. I entered the building using my security card and went up to our floor with one of the elevator.  
"Good morning Li... Aaaaaaah!" The pain in my belly was back only worse than before as I greeted our receptionist who immediately came around the desk.  
Then I knew it. It wasn't just kicks, something was very wrong. I panicked! Not now. It was too early.   
"Ambulance," was the only word I got out.   
"I think, it would be faster to get a cab. The hospital is just five minutes from here and it will take at least twenty till the ambulance is here, especially at this time of day."  
"Fine, whatever."  
My assistant came running with an office chair. "Sit, I'll bring you downstairs."  
"What's going on?" My boss suddenly stood there.  
"I don't know," I whispered in tears.  
There was a big commotion around me but I wasn't listening only whispering to the baby over and over again "No, please. Not yet!"

A moment later my assistant pushed me to the elevators followed by my boss. We went down through the door onto the pavement. It didn't take long till a cab pulled over. My boss helped me up and into the car and, to my surprise, got in behind me telling the driver that he should go to the nearest hospital as fast as possible.  
About ten minutes later we pulled up at the emergency room, he got out shouting something that I didn't quite get then helped me out. Two nurses came running towards us with a wheelchair.  
"Miss, sit down. What's wrong?"  
"I don't know. But I think I've got contractions. It's too ear... Aaaah." Another wave of pain hit me. Only last week I had been to a prenatal class and used the breathing exercise and it seemed to help a bit.   
They brought me in, my boss followed. "Doctor Clemens we need you here!" We entered an exam room and suddenly there were even more people around me. From somewhere I heard my boss call he would wait outside. I was lifted from the chair onto a stretcher.  
"I'm Doctor Clemens. What's your name Miss?"  
"Sandra. Sandra Wittmann."  
"Okay Sandra. How far along are you?"  
"26th week. Please, it's too early."  
"How many contractions did you have?"  
"I don't know!"   
“Did you have bleedings or something?“  
“No.“ I was crying and my hands were shaking like leaves.  
"Shhhh. You need to calm down a bit. We'll get you into a hospital gown and then we'll see. Okay?" I nodded but how should I calm down if I was loosing my child. I had read that only about 35 percent of preemies born around the 25th week survived and usually with severe disabilities.   
"Should we call someone?"  
I thought about it while the nurses pulled my clothes off. My mum? Surely not. My dad? Well, yes but he was hundreds of miles away. Emma! She didn't have to work today, not that I knew of anyway.  
"My friend Emma, please."  
"Okay, can you give me the number?" One of the nurses asked handing me one of those ugly gowns they only had at hospitals. I gave her landline number as I didn't remember her mobile one and put my arms into the piece of fabric.   
"Lie down, please, so we can take off your pants as well."  
As I did, I remembered the fall this morning, maybe it's got something to do with this. "I fell on my right knee this morning."  
"Okay. We'll check that out as well."  
They rolled up all sorts of devices then they strapped some sort of belt around my belly and connected me to several machines. The nurse from earlier came back in "I didn't reach your friend, I left a message though. Do you maybe have a mobile number as well?"  
"In my phone. It's in the jacket."  
She got it out, I unlocked it for her and she was off again.  
The baby's heartbeat is at 175, Doctor. The mother's at 100."  
"Okay. Listen Sandra you need to calm down. You're stressed so is the baby which probably causes the contractions."  
Right then there was another wave of pain like to proof a point.   
"Yep, definitely a contraction." She said some weird names, probably some medication. "Sandra, please put your legs up here. I need to see if the cervical os is open already. You're amnion hasn't burst yet, has it?"  
"No."  
"Okay, good."   
I put my legs into the holdings right when someone else came in.   
"Doctor Clemens, what do we have here?"  
"Sandra, that's Doctor Turner, he is our gynecologist. 26th week with early contractions. Cervical os still closed. Amnion also still whole. Only the heartbeat worries us at the moment."  
They gave me some injections and an infusion. My heart was still racing but luckily I hadn't had any more contractions, for now anyway. The nurse came back telling me she had left another message on Emma's mobile number as well. They also checked my knee as they couldn't x-ray it they did a couple of tests but thankfully it was only badly bruised.

"You should try and sleep a bit Sandra." Doctor Turner suggested and I nodded. My boss came in quickly looking after me and telling me he would be off again but he wished me good luck.  
One of the nurses helped me roll to the side and I closed my eyes in order to sleep a bit. But of course the baby had something against that and started kicking. I put my hand onto my belly stroking over it and feeling the kicks.  
"You know little baby, don't ever scare me like that again. That wasn't funny! I know I haven't been thrilled by the thought of you in there but I don't want to loose you either. So you have to stay in there for a bit longer, okay? It's probably quite narrow and dark in there but let me tell you the world out here can be equally scary, sometimes at least." It didn't stop kicking so I started to sing every song that came into my head, from Queen to Springsteen to The Killers to Pink to Coldplay everything. When I was singing These Are The Days Of Our Lives by Queen the door opened, I didn't see who it was as my back was towards the door but probably some nurse or Doctor.   
After I had finished the song a dark and very familiar voice said "You've got a really good singing voice Sandra."  
Shocked I spun my head round. Tom!

"What are you doing here?"  
"Well, I was at your's and Emma's to pick up my new keys. Nobody was home so I let myself in and the phone rang. Your answering machine went on and the nurse said you were here."  
"What are you doing in here?"  
He furrowed his brow, his eyes watering "I told them I am the...the father and..."  
"What? How dare you?!" I spat at him.   
"Sandra, please. I really need to talk to you."  
I saw that the heartbeat of the baby was already getting faster again so I inhaled deeply.  
"It's probably not the right moment. Please go."  
"No, I won't. You know, the day I called and you picked up I didn't want to speak to my sister, I wanted to speak to you. I wanted to tell you that I've been an idiot, a total idiot, to stay with Nicole. I wanted to tell you that the thing with her was over and that I wanted to be with you.   
I went to Australia and I didn't miss her a single second. I had a lot time for myself, time to think and it became clear very soon that I had no future with her because ever since I met you, I had been in love with you. And that's the truth, I swear to God, Sandra.   
On New Year's I wanted to kiss you at midnight not her but I thought you weren't interested. And then when I came to yours that day and Emma wasn't there I first was disappointed but then you were so lovely and sweet. And when I kissed you I first thought, shit what have I done but then you kissed back." He stepped round the bed looking at me with tears running down his face which mirrored my own.   
"I don't regret sleeping with you, I never did. I regret my decision to leave you in the morning and go home. I should have stayed with you but I was so confused. I thought what if we have waisted all the time together with being just friends instead of lovers. Then I thought you've probably been too drunk and when you woke you would kick me out.   
And when I got home and Nicole was there telling me under tears, which I'm not even sure anymore, were real, that she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, I kind of thought I couldn't throw that away for the slight possibility that you felt the same for me as I do for you. Biggest mistake of my life. And you didn't speak to me anymore so I couldn't find out.   
Then in Australia I thought I didn't want to spend my time with someone who had cheated on me and had an abortion without telling me. I couldn't do that, I'd rather be alone then. But I had been afraid of being alone.   
I wanted to talk to you if it was too late for us already. I asked Emma to hand the phone back to you because I wanted to speak with you but she said that wasn't a good idea. I asked her why and she told me you were pregnant.   
First I felt jealous of your boyfriend and when I asked her about him she told me you hadn't one. That it had been some idiot who fucked you and then dumbed you. I kind of knew then already that I had been that idiot, so I asked her how far along you were and I knew for sure. I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"  
I was still crying as was he. Could I? I didn't know. Everything he had said was so sweet but still something in me shouted what if you open your heart for him and he drops you again? Another voice said he was just saying all of this because he felt like he had to due to the baby.  
Right then I had another contraction, the worst so far. I screamed on the top of my lungs.  
"Sandra? What's wrong?"  
Tom was immediately at my side grabbing my hand and I didn't let go. The door flew open and Doctor Clemens and a nurse came in.  
"Sir, you better wait outside."  
"No, please stay." Had I really just said that? I was so in panic I just didn't want to be alone. They gave me more medication telling me they hoped it stopped again and that I should try and stay calm and if Tom was the source for my agitation he should better leave.   
I said I didn't want him to leave. But only because I didn't want to be alone, at least that was what I told myself.

They left us alone and I realised I still held his hand tightly. Abruptly I let go.   
"Sorry."  
"What for Sandra?"  
"For squeezing so hard."  
"I can take it, don't worry." He smiled at me and I smiled back. "Luke said you called Monday night because of that damn interview."  
"Hm."  
"Thank you. For everything. Have I thanked you for the birthday gateau yet? I don't think so. Thanks, it was delicious."  
"Well, I didn't quite do it for you, more to help your mum out."  
"Thanks anyway." Another of those heartmelting smiles.   
Maybe the melting of the Arctic ice was his fault after all.   
Right then th baby started another dance party. I pushed the blanket down a bit and grabbed his hand placing it onto my belly. His eye brows shot up and he smiled even wider than before.  
"Hello baby." I smiled at him. "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?"  
"No, I didn't want to know. But actually I'm not so sure about that anymore."  
"Why's that?"  
"Well, I could say he or she instead of it, plus once I'll buy some clothing I could also consider that and maybe think about a name. What do you think?"  
"Yeah, I guess yo..."  
The door opened and Doctor Turner came in with some machine. On seeing Tom's hand on my belly he smiled widely at both of us.  
"So I guess you are the proud father?"  
Tom looked at me and again I just smiled at him and answered. "Yes, he is."  
"Good. I've just spoken to Doctor Ratcliff, he said the last ultrasonic testing was almost four weeks ago?"  
"Yes, that's right."  
"I thought it would be a good idea to check on the baby."  
"Okay."   
Tom got really excited because he would see the baby and I just smiled at that.  
"It's actually a 3-D ultrasound, so it's quite detailed. Do you know the gender yet?"  
"No."  
"Do you want to know?"  
"Well, yes. I kind of changed my mind about that."  
"Okay. Then let's see how it is?"

He started the examination and as soon as the picture came to the screen Tom's jaw dropped and he looked like a little boy at Christmas. I grabbed his hand and held it tightly.  
"Looks good, and just the right size for the 26th week. Oh, and it looks like it's a boy."  
"No wonder, he's having football matches all the time then."  
"It's good when the baby is active, maybe not for your sleep though."

He finished and said he would get us a video and a pic we both just nodded overwhelmed.   
"Wow, that's amazing. I can't quite believe this."  
Concerned I looked at him, earlier during the test I had thought looking at him that maybe I could really forgive him and that I still felt something for him but had he been honest about his feelings. Or had he felt that he needed to say that because it was the "right" thing to do.  
"Tom?"  
"Yes."  
"Did you mean all those things you've said. Or do you feel like you have to. I mean if you don't want to be with me it's fine. I'll be alright and if you want to, you still could help taking care for the baby but you don't have to. And you don't have to stay with me. I won't tell anyone that you are the father."  
"Sandra, I love you. Baby or not. I mean it's surely not the optimal time for neither of us but I want to be with you. You're amazing, funny, clever and kind. I mean you could have gone to the media selling your story but you didn't. Please give me a chance."  
"Oh, Tom. I don't quite know honestly. You hurt me so badly and I felt so stupid for falling for you. And now you're saying all those perfect things. Maybe we should just be friends."  
"That's not enough for me. I'll accept it if you don't want any more than that but if we have a chance as a couple, as family I'd rather take that."  
I reached out my hand and he immediately grabbed it. Looking at him I smiled and opened my mouth to say something when a knock on the door startled us. Emma stuck her head in looking curiously at her brother.  
"How are you Sands? I came as fast as possible." Lovingly she looked at me.  
"Thanks, I think I'm better."  
"Great. What's going on here?" She motioned to our still conected hands and stepped closer.  
"Tom was at our place when the hospital called and came here."  
He had gotten a bit pale, I wouldn't tell her about her becoming aunt, that was his job. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously looking at him.   
"I see you've made friends again."  
"Yes. Now that Nicole's gone."  
Tom avoided eye contact with her, looking everywhere else which seemed to have been enough clue for her.  
"Tell me you're joking! You are the asshole that fucked her and then pissed off the next day! I knew it! I fucking knew it as soon as I had told you how far along Sandra was. Your reaction... And you protected this moron?"  
Ashamed he looked to the floor "Emma I..." He didn't get any further as she stepped closer to him and slapped him across the face.  
"How could you? If mum or dad were here they would spank your stupid ass that you couldn't sit for weeks. How could you treat her like that? You fucking prick. Going back to that stu..."  
"Emma, please." I interrupted her, Tom had tears in his eyes again.  
"I know Emma that I was a complete idiot and it took me forever to notice but I'm truely sorry."  
I squeezed his hand in mine reassuring him. She glared at me and I just briefly nodded and she calmed down.  
"But you're gonna tell mum and dad."  
"Yes, of course."  
"So, are you guys together now?"  
"I'm not quite sure yet." Slightly smiling I reached with my free hand for hers. "It's a boy by the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any vocabulary mistakes, it's my online dictionaries fault... ;-)  
> I hope you've enjoyed this chapter.  
> Probably about two more coming up.


	10. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite fluffy, most of the time.  
> I've also come up with a cute nickname, I hope...  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I wasn't quite sure were the story was going but I've got a pretty clear idea now.  
> Sometimes it's like the story writes itself...

Three days later the Doctors finally sent me home but they said I needed to rest and stay in bed for about two weeks and if I hadn't had any more contractions I could go back to work again. All the time in hospital Tom didn't leave my side getting me whatever I wanted and then brought me home.  
Emma was working so we had the house for us. He carried me from the car to the sofa and put me down there.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yes, Tom. Still. You don't have to ask me every five minutes."  
"Okay. Sorry. Do you want something to drink?"  
"A glass of orange juice would be nice. Thank you." He nodded and smiled. We hadn't kissed yet as I still wasn't 100 percent sure that I even wanted him after what he had done. For the moment I was fine with being friends with him. But he was really lovely taking care for me, so I started to re-think the whole thing. Maybe I really should give him another chance.  
Like to approve with that the baby started kicking. But somehow I was terrified because what if he broke my heart again? I wouldn't survive that.   
He talked to someone on the phone in the kitchen, I couldn't quite hear it. Then his voice came closer and he came towards me handing me the glass.  
"No, Luke, I can't. - Well, can't you? - I understand, it's just bad timing."   
"You know I don't need you all day holding my hand."  
Confused he looked at me. "What? - No. - Okay, see you in an hour at the lawyer's. Send me the address. I'll tell you then. - Thanks, man. See you."  
He hung up and put the phone into his pocket.  
"Trouble in paradise?"  
"Well, we've got an appointment with some lawyers. The whole Nicole thing. I just don't want to leave you alone."  
"I'll be fine Tom. I didn't need you for the first six month either."   
Oh, shit! That came out wrong! His face showed that I had hurt him with that. "I'm sorry. Wrong choice of words I guess. It's really lovely how you take care for the both of us. And I really appreciate that. But you still can go about your routine, you don't have to stay by my side 24 / 7. I won't die. So you can go and do your job and take care of your career."  
"It's just I feel like I've missed out all that time and I don't want to miss another second."  
I smiled and reached for his hand tugging him down onto the sofa and then I wrapped my fingers into his soft curls and kissed him passionately. Shocked we parted and stared at each other with wide eyes. It had felt good and suddenly I knew I wanted more of him - of us. "Does that mean you'll forgive me?" He looked at me with wide eyes.  
"I guess. I think I love you too, although I'm a bit scared by this if I'm honest."  
"Scared?"  
"Promise me you'll never hurt me again."  
"Of course not. I swear by my life."  
I kissed him again sticking my tongue in his mouth. "Okay, good. And now buzz off!"

He had left about 15 minutes later making sure I had everything I needed and saying I could call anytime.   
I lay on the sofa under a fluffy blanket with a cup of green tea, some water, juice, cookies and crisps.  
I felt so happy. Had anybody told me about a week ago that everything will turn out like that I would have laughed. But now I really couldn't be happier.  
I turned on the telly and watched the news while sending a text to Alex. As the speaker announced the next headline my head shot up "Tom Hiddleston's ex Nicole Hampton has just been arrested for violation of personal rights and libel. As you might remember a week ago a private movie of the young woman and the movie star emerged online. First Hampton claimed she had nothing to do with that but as the police have found out now, she sold the video for about 1.5 million Pounds. Hiddleston's lawyers have pressed charges against her and later tonight we expect a statement. Once again we see what an angry ex is capable of."  
Well, I hoped she would get a high sentence, she definitely deserved it.

That night I asked Tom to stay with me after we had dinner together with Emma and James. We had watched TV and when I said I was tired Tom lifted me up and carried me upstairs to my bedroom.  
So we stood in my room silently looking at each other. I felt tired and exhausted but nevertheless I felt a throbbing between my legs, Tom's tight jeans and t-shirt not making it any better. But he surely wouldn't be interested in shagging a fat cow like me. Let's just find out.  
Smiling I opened the buttons of my blouse slowly reveiling my bra and gigantic belly. Sure, he had touched it and seen it during the ultrasonic testing, still I felt quite self-conscious. Shyly I looked at him as I pulled my maternity pants down leaving me in a pair of cotton panties and a too small bra, he was licking his lips and his pupils widened. I took a step closer to him touching his chest and drawing him in for another passionate kiss. His hand wandered up my back along my spine while he started kissing down my neck. I reached for the hem of his t-shirt slowly pushing it up, he helped me brush it off and took a step back.  
"We can't."  
"What?" I noticed his growing buldge and smiled. "Why not?"  
"You're pregnant."  
"And?" Proofing my point I reached behind me and unclasped my bra, my huge tits slightly hanging down without the support of the underwear. He swallowed hard and I could see a light twitch in his jeans. So he still found me attractive, even now! I couldn't quite believe it.  
"I don't want to hurt you, or the baby. And the doctor said you needed rest."  
Damn, he was right about that. "True. But generally sex during pregnancy isn't a problem."  
"Even with, well..."  
"Your gigantic cock? Sure, we just can't go too wild, I think." Truth was I had no idea if it would be okay as he was quite huge.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Well, if it makes you feel better we can asked Doctor Ratcliff tomorrow."  
"Yes, okay."  
Damn, but I was horny now and so was he. Well, I could be nice and help him out of his predicament, couldn't I?  
I stepped towards him again palming his erection through the fabric of his jeans.  
"Fuck, Sandra! What are you doing?"  
"Well, as far as I know sperm's got lots of protein."  
"Sandra. No."  
"You don't want me to?" Pouting I looked up at him squeezing his crotch hard.  
"Holy fuck!"  
In quick movements I opened his jeans and pulled them down along with his briefs stroking his already hard cock.  
"Sit on the bed, back to the headboard, big boy!"  
He whimpered but obeyed, I followed him in my penguin-like steps lying down on my back first then rolling to my side. I placed my head on his thigh but it didn't quite work as I wanted it to.   
Tom lifted his leg and put it down behind my back so I was lying between his long legs. Grabbing his hard dick I sucked it into my mouth while massaging his heavy balls.  
"Oh, fuck!" He threw his head back and I heard a muffled thud and "Ow." As he banged his head against the wall. I handed him my pillow as I sucked him deeper into my mouth. His fingers gently ran through my hair as I bobbed up and down his length. I let him almost slip out all the way, then swirled my tongue around his swolen head pressing the tip against his slit which was leaking with precum already. I continued licking his tip eagerly like a lollipop while squeezing and tugging at his balls. After one particular hard squeeze the licking of my tongue didn't seem enough for him as he thrust into my mouth roughly. Surprised my eyes widen as he brushed against the back of my throat but he stopped right then.  
"Shit, sorry! Are you okay?"  
I looked at him and as an answer I hollowed my cheeks and sucked even harder then before. As my throat relaxed gradually I took him deeper and deeper, my jaw was already sore when I finally had him almost all the way in.  
His grunts and moans making me even more eager but when I was just taking him in again his hands stopped me by holding my head.  
"If you don't want to swallow then you should better stop now."  
Again I answered without words as I sucked hard, pressed my tongue against his thick shaft and squeezed his balls that were tightly against his body by now. And right then he came moaning my name while he shot his hot load down my throat.

Panting hard he caressed my head which I had put onto his thigh.  
"You really didn't have to do that."  
"But I wanted to." Well, and I also wanted to feel his huge dick inside me but I would have been also happy with only his fingers stroking me down there. However, I thought he was right. What if that triggered more contractions? Damn! The throbbing between my legs was almost painful by now.  
Tom got up beneath me replacing his thigh with a pillow. I almost wanted to protest and say he shouldn't leave but he had no intention as he walked around the bed, pulled the duvet back and got in behind me covering us both with the warmth of my bedding. Spooning against me he pulled up really close, I could feel his pubic hair and cock against my backside.  
"Thanks, that was amazing."  
He kissed my cheek and my neck while his hand came round my body. First it rested on my belly, but as I turned my head and our lips met, he moved it up to my tits softly kneading them and rolling my nipples between his thumb and forefinger. Moaning into his kiss I pressed my thighs together. Wow, that felt so damn good! We kept going like this till I felt a wave of pleasure wash over me and I moaned his name.  
His hand still on my breast he rose his head looking down at me. "Did you just?"  
"I guess."  
"Wow."  
The painful throbbing was gone and I felt totally exhausted so I rolled my head to the side and closed my eyes. Tom, however, wasn't finished playing yet. He grabbed one of my breasts and lifted it slightly sucking the nipple into his mouth.  
Slightly laughing I said "Well, soon you'll have to share."  
"Ehehehe. I guess. Have they grown since the last time?"  
"Apparently they do when your pregnant. God, I hope they grow back afterwards."  
"I like them."  
"Of course you do. Can we sleep now, please."  
"Sure." He rested his head against mine and put his hand onto my belly and soon the both, well, three of us were sleeping.

In the morning I woke because the little one was up and had another football match. Tom's hand was still laying on top of my belly and he was slightly snoring. It sounded so cute.   
While I was listening to him sleeping I thought about so many things, from where we would live to names to how we could tell his parents. Finally another thought occurred to me: what about his career?   
I mean of course he could go off and make movies, I could handle that. But what if the media found out somehow. Thanks to Nicole everybody knew that they were together when I had conceived the baby. They surely would tear him apart. Maybe we just should say it was someone elses baby and he was just taking care of it.

"Good morning, you two." Startled I spun my head around while he caressed my belly. Smiling at me he leaned forward and kissed me. "Did you sleep well, my darling?"  
"Actually, yes. Better than for a while."   
"Good." Another tender kiss "and you, young man?"  
"Either I didn't notice him kicking all night or he did as well."  
I rolled to my back which Tom used immediately to intensify the kisses and soon his tongue was exploring my mouth. After doing that for a while he kissed down my neck and eventually he pushed back the blanket and focused on my breasts.  
"Tom?"  
"Hmm?" Undisturbed he kept going sucking and licking at my nipples.  
"Tom!"  
"Yes, darling?"  
I covered myself again to hide the source of his distraction. Pouting he looked at my now covered chest.  
"Focus! Eyes up here!" I laughed.  
"I've just missed you. A lot!" He shifted his position a bit and as he did I felt his hard on against my thigh. Pressing it against the mattress he turned onto his belly.  
"Tom, have you thought about what all this here means for your career?"  
He rose his eye brow questioningly. "What do you mean?"  
"Well, what if anyone finds out that we made this baby while you still were with her?"  
"Oh, don't worry about that. We've taken care of that last night."  
Now I rose my brow.   
"We've issued a statement which will be released in about a week, after I had the chance to tell my family, that I had split up with her because I was in love with another woman for a while already. That we've got close during a break in the relationship with Nicole and that I finally decided I wanted to be with you. And that we'll soon have a baby."  
"Really? Do you think that's a good idea."  
"I'm not quite sure. But it's the right thing to do. I'll be there for you, for both of you." 

I glanced at the clock. 8.30 am. Good that would mean Doctor Ratcliff normally would be at his prctice. I reached for my mobile and dialed his number.  
"What are you doing?"  
"See, if we can have some fun." Immediately understanding he smiled widely while I ran my hand through his messed up curls. He looked sooooo cute with his hair like that.   
Finally someone picked up. "Hi, it's Sandra Wittmann. Is it possible to speak to Doctor Ratcliff for a moment?"  
"Hang on, he just went into his office."  
She put me on hold and out of a sudden instinct I put my phone on speakers.  
"Miss Wittmann. How are you? Everything alright?"  
"Yes. Actually better than in a while."  
"That's good to hear. The contractions have stopped?"  
"Yes, thankfully. I called because I, well, we wanted to know something."  
"Okay? Sure. We?"  
"Do you think it's okay if we had sex? I mean I've read that generally it was okay but because of the contractions and everything."  
"Well," we literally could hear his surprise, "sure. It shouldn't be a problem if you're not getting too excited."  
Tom still didn't look quite convinced and I thought I knew why. "Even if the penis is quite big?" I blushed from head to toe but luckily only Tom saw me.  
"Ahm, not if you're careful. But Sandra, may I ask who you're thinking to..."  
"Well, the idiot decided he loved me after all." I interrupted him smiling at a angry looking Tom.  
"Oh! That's brilliant. Just bring him to our next appointment, would you? I want to meet him."  
"Yes, of course. Thanks Doctor."  
"No problem. Have fun."  
We hung up and Tom's look was that of a hungry animal, with one quick move my tits were exposed again and his mouth on them. He kept going with his mouth while one of his hands wandered down my side and finally was between my legs stroking my wet folds.  
I moaned loudly and we heard Emma from the hallway. "Everything alright in there?"  
"Yes, Em. Thanks. Aah!" Tom, that little devil hadn't stopped his caresses, well, at least she knew now what was going on in here.  
Eventually he lifted his head and looked at me and right when I wanted to ask what was going on, he pushed two of his fingers into me while his thumb rubbed my clit.  
"Fuuuuck! Tooom!"  
He scissored his fingers inside of me while I reached for his rock hard dick and stroked it slowly. Now it was him who began moaning.  
"I need to be inside you my sweet darling. Turn over."  
His fingers where gone abruptly and he helped me roll to my side. I pushed my legs up as far as possible exposing my wet slit to him and soon I felt his tip pressing against it.  
"No need for a condom now, right?"  
"Didn't work last time. And now it's too late anyway."  
Right then he entered me inch by inch and it felt amazing, his soft skin against mine. When he was as far in as he dared he stopped and caressed my body again with his long fingers, pinching my nipples and rubbing my clit.  
He only rotated his hips really slowly, it felt good but I wanted more.  
"Tom, a bit harder please."  
"I don't want to hurt the baby. Or traumatise him."  
"Just a bit of thrusting, okay?"  
"Okay."  
His thrusts were as slow as his hip rotating earlier but I didn't mind. A lazy fuck wasn't bad, right? I turned my head round and our tongues mirrored the movements of our lower bodies. Soon I felt my climax aproaching and clenched my walls around him.   
"Fuck! Don't do that Sandra!"  
"Do what?" I contracted them again.  
"Aaaah! That!"  
"Why?" I asked innocently.  
"If you don't want to come, then keep going."  
Pouting I pushed my hips back against his and his cock went deeper hitting my sweet spot and I exploded which made Tom gasp and moan behind me and he thrusted a bit harder into me. Four more thrusts, the last one quite rough, and he came as well, his hot seed spreading inside me.

He held me for a while occasionally we kissed each other. He had been really worried that he had hurt me but I just laughed and said "You may hurt me like that anytime you want" which made him laugh as well.  
"Sandra?"  
"Yes?"  
"I know it's a bit early but will you move in with me?"  
Kind of shocked I stared at him. "What?"  
"I've got more space and we would be alone, plus once the baby is here we wouldn't drive Emma crazy. I mean a baby is pretty loud, crying and everything. And at my place he could have his own room."  
"Tom that's really nice of you but I just can't pretend that the last six months haven't happened. I mean I barely know you."  
"That's not true. We're friends for a while now."  
"Yes, but there's a difference between being friends and lovers."  
"What do you expect from me?"  
"Typical man, needs a manual for everything. Well, what do you normally do when you get together with someone?"  
"Go out together, but we've done that."  
"Yes, together with Emma or some other people."  
"Okay. So why don't I take you out to a nice dinner and a movie tonight then?"  
"Have to stay in bed. Forgot?"  
"Oh, shit. Yeah! Sorry. Then I'll cook us something and we'll watch a DVD or something."  
"Sounds like the perfect date."  
"Perhaps at my place. I mean we would be alone there. You can bring some stuff." I rose my brow sceptically. "You don't have to move in, just bring some clothes so you could stay overnight. But please think about moving in with me."  
"Hmm. I will. Just give me some time, okay?"  
"Yes, of course. I love you." He kissed me on the top of my head and hugged me. Cuddling against him I looked at him "I love you, too."

A few days later I had a small area in his closet, a own drawer and my own area in the bathroom at his house. Don't get me wrong, I liked his place but that's what it was: his. Usually we changed every two or three days, so we would sleep at his or at mine. We literally spent every minute together and he was super worried about everything.

One morning I woke at 5.30 am due to the baby's kicks once more. I was drenched in sweat, my hair sticking to my head, so I got up and walked into the bathroom and took a shower. I was just drying myself off when the door flew open and a panicking Tom came running in.  
"You were gone when I woke up! Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, just gave birth in your tub and then took a shower!" He was slowly driving me crazy. Was he always so over-protective?  
"That's not funny. The bed's soaked, I thought that maybe..."  
"Tom! Calm down! You're making me nervous, okay?!"

He apologized like 100 times which kind of freaked me out. I couldn't wait for the next week when I hopefully could get back to work. If we were at mine and Emma's she at least managed to distract him somehow and I had a couple of minutes for my own but after he had walked in on her and James in the shower the day before he wasn't keen on staying there overnight anymore.

That morning hadn't been any different when I woke I walked into the bathroom to use the toilet not a minute later he had pushed the handle down and as the door didnt open, knocked on the door asking if everything was alright. Luckily I had locked the door because otherwise he would have walked in and I definitely didn't want him to watch me on the toilet. After I had finished I walked out again, he was standing right in front of the door looking at me accusingly.  
"Don't ever lock the door again. What if something's wrong with you?"  
"Well, if you wouldn't walk in after I've been in there for half a minute, I wouldn't have to!" I tried to keep calm, for my and for the baby's sake.  
"You could have slipped on the floor or something."  
"Tom! Relax, okay. Why don't you get your sneakers and go for a run?"  
"No, I won't leave you alone."  
"Tom, I swear to God if you don't give me an hour for myself I'll go back to my place. Without you. And won't come back."  
He looked at me like I had just held a gun against his head. "What's your problem?"  
"I know you want to take care for me and the baby but at the moment it's too much. I'm not even allowed to walk down the stairs." He wanted to interfere but I silence him with a gesture of my hand. "Never mind I'm not allowed to do anything on my own, not even put on the kettle. Please, Tom, sometimes less is more. Your crushing me with your care at the moment."  
He swallowed hard tears in his eyes. I couldn't watch that because I would feel terrible for saying those things but I didn't want to so I just went past him grabbed my robe and walked towards the stairs.

A while later I was sitting on the sofa downstairs eating a sandwich, the first food I've made myself since my hospital stay. Then there were foot steps on the stairs, Tom came down wearing a pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt, his running outfit. I smiled at him as he came towards me and he smiled back.  
"I'm so sorry. Am I really that bad?"  
"No, Tom. I know you just want the best for me and our son. But it's slowly driving me crazy, you hovering over me all the time."  
"I'm just worried. I don't want something happen to you, plus I think I want to make up for the time I've missed."  
"Come here my Cuddleston. I love you." I held his face and kissed him. Afterwards he looked at me raising his brow.   
"You know, I love you too, but Cuddleston?"  
Giggling I wrapped my arms around me "You're my giant, living Teddybear I love to cuddle, so..."  
"I see."  
"And now run Thomas, run. And do something for yourself."  
Chuckling he kissed my cheek. "If there's a problem, whatever it is, give me a call."  
"I will. Have fun."  
"See you guys later."  
With that he was off, finally. I was sure he would feel better, more like himself afterwards.

I stretched out on the sofa and continued with the book I was reading when something crossed my mind. And as usually these days it had to do with food. A chocolate cake! Oh, yes.   
I went to the kitchen checking out if everything I needed was there and to my luck it was. Right when I melted the chocolate the doorbell rang. Was he back so fast? It hadn't been more than half an hour. Had he forgotten his keys?  
I slowly shuffled over to the door. The bell was at the garden gate so I pressed the button for the security camera to see who it was. To my, well, horror it was his mum. Had he told her about us already? The statement would be published on Monday, so probably she knew already. Still I felt very nervous.  
I pressed another button and let her in. As I opened the door and saw her surprised face I knew she had no idea yet.  
"Hello Sandra. You look great. What are you doing here?"  
"Hi, Diana." We hugged and I motioned for her to get in. "Thank you, if an elephant can look great."  
"Oh, nonsense darling. You look lovely. Are you feeling better after what happened last week?"  
"Yeah, everything alright with both of us."  
"Happy to hear that. Where is Tom?"  
"He just went for a run."  
"Oh, typical. Leaving the pregnant girl alone."  
"No, I actually told him to go. I thought he needed it. Oh, damn, my cake."  
"You're baking?"  
"Yes, I just felt this need for chocolate cake."  
She laughed out loud and walked with me to the kitchen. "Oh, yes. I remember that."

She helped me to finish and we talked about babies most of the time. When I put the cake into the oven she excused herself to the bathroom while I texted Tom that his mum was here and cleaned up the kitchen a bit.  
As I heard her come back I turned "Do you want something to drink maybe?" The look on her face was kind of weird, furrowing my brows I asked "Everything alright?"  
"Sandra, do you live here?"  
"No," oh damn, the tooth brush and some other stuff in the bathroom. "Well, I stay overnight sometimes."  
"Are you and Tom together?"  
"I'm quite sure he wanted to tell you himself..."  
"That's probably why he called and asked if I could stop by some time this week. "  
"I'm sorry. I'm really not the right person to tell you, I guess."  
"To be honest I'm slightly shocked. I mean about him having someone new so fast after the break up with Nicole. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy he isn't with her any longer and I really like you. It's just..."  
The egg-timer rang indicating that my cake was ready. "Excuse me a moment." She nodded her mouth agape as I turned and went into the kitchen.   
I put out the cake to let it cool and filled two glasses with water. Walking back I thought about how I could best explain to her that it was Tom's child. She definitely shouldn't be hearing that from me but from him. Sitting on the sofa she looked like she had seen a ghost, I walked over to her setting the glasses down onto the small table. I let myself fall onto the sofa with a sigh "The day will come I won't be able to get up from this thing alone anymore."  
Right then the door opened and Tom came in, out of breath and panting fast.  
"Hi...mum."  
"Thomas, darling." She got up and hugged his slightly sweaty frame.   
"Mum, I need to tell you someth..."  
"Well, a bit too late now. I've already found out that the two of you have something going."   
I couldn't help it but her tone felt kind of hostile.   
"Have you?" Tom looked at me and I just shrugged my shoulders.  
"The toiletries gave you away. Diffrent things than Nicole ever used, less exclusive, shall we say."  
Yep, definitely hostile. And I always thought she liked me. I felt tears welling up so I quickly excused myself to the bathroom with Tom sprinting over and helping me up.  
"Thank you." He kissed me tenderly and I waddled away as fast as possible. By the time I made it around the corner the first tears ran down my face. I closed the door behind me thinking that she didn't have to like me. It was more important that Tom loved me which he surely did. I had myself back together sooner than I thought. I quickly used the toilet, washed my hands and opened the door to get back to Tom's side. She had to get used to that. I had just opened the door when I heard her shout. "...another man's child. How can you?"  
Tom tried to interrupt her "Mum! Mum! Mum! It's my child!"  
A short moment of utter silence followed.  
"What? How? She's over six months pregnant already! Have you made a paternity test? Maybe she just wants to trap yo..."  
I had heard enough, so I closed the door louder than I usually would. I turned around the corner pretending not to have heard any of this and when she looked at me with open hostility I couldn't bare that, she had always been so lovely to me. I put on a false smile and said "I think I'll lie down a bit, I feel quite exhausted."  
"Let me bring you up, sweetheart."  
"No, need. Thank you." With that I turned towards the stairs and in Tom's eyes I saw that he knew I had heard some of their talk. When I was up the stairs tears streamed down my face. There was still complete silence, so I went to the bedroom door opened and closed it from the outside and then sneaked back towards the stairs. I heard Tom take a deep breath.  
"Congratulations mum, now you've hurt her."  
"What do you mean?"  
"She definitely heard some of your accusations which aren't in any way true."  
"How is it even possible? You were with Nicole then."  
Again another deep breath "Mum, I've been in love with Sandra for quite a while actually."  
"What? Were you cheating on Nicole?"  
"No, it's kind of more complicated than that. One day I was here reading a script as the phone rang. Some Doctor asking if Nicole was alright and I was like what the hell, what's going on. And he said he wanted to check that after her abortion she was alright. Especially because she had been there alone which normally wasn't allowed."  
"What?"  
"Mum, please, just listen. I called her to see if it was some wind up or something but I could immediately tell at her reaction that it wasn't. She was like let me explain but I just hung up.  
I needed to talk to someone so I headed over to Emma's but she wasn't home. Sandra was, and I told her and she comforted me and made me feel better. And I kissed her and we... You know. It wasn't her who started it.   
In the morning I was so confused, I didn't know what to do, I thought that maybe I should have gone for her instead of Nicole. I needed to think, so I left Sandra's without a word and went home. I wanted to go for a run think about everything. When I came in, Nicole was here, you know she had a spare key. She was crying and apologising. She told me she had slept with someone else while I had been away doing PR and she felt so bad for that. And when she found out she was pregnant she panicked because I would know it wasn't my baby and she had cheated on me.   
To be honest I still don't know why I stayed with her. I should have gone for Sandra instead. I didn't even call her back after she left a message. So if you want to blame anyone for anything then me."  
"Hadn't Sandra told you she wasn't on the pill?"  
"Of course, she did. We used condoms."  
"Which have been prepared with a needle or something."  
"Mum, what the fuck? No. I got them, from Emma's room. She never even touched them. Would you please stop that!"  
"But are you sure she hasn't slept with anyone else that week? If I were you I would insist upon a paternity test."  
"Mum, we're talking about Sandra. She wouldn't. And to be honest I don't think it would make a difference if it wasn't my baby. I love her and I want to be with her for as long as she can bare me! Besides, she could have gone to the media, selling her story, but she didn't!And now excuse me I want to see how she's doing."  
Damn! On tiptoes I sneaked back into the bedroom opening and closing the door as quietly as possible. I rolled onto Tom's side of the bed as it was closer to the door and covered myself with the blanket, tears still running down my face. Right then the door opened and he took some quiet steps towards me. He wiped some tears from my cheek leaning down and kissing me. I blinked my eyes and looked at him. He sat down next to me stroking through my hair.  
"How much did you hear?"  
"More than I wanted." I lied, in truth I was quite touched by the things he had said about me and I was actually crying happy tears.  
"I'm so sorry about that. She's just worried about me doing something I would regret, that's all."  
"I always thought she likes me. Well, but I guess that never works with the mother-in-law, so to speak."  
He chuckled lightly and kissed me again. "Just know that I love you, no matter what she thinks. I'll be there for you, both of you."  
"But you don't really think it's someone elses baby, do you?"  
"No, of course not. And now sleep a bit, you both need some rest."  
"Okay, and you should take a shower or at least put on some dry clothes. Or you'll catch a cold."  
"I will."  
"Do you mind if I stay on your side of the bed? It smells so good. Like you."  
He grinned and passionately kissed me again. 


	11. Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everythings perfect now.  
> Or isn't it?

In the evening we decided to take a bath together. Diana had apologized but I wasn't quite convinced that she ment it. Or she just did it because Tom had asked her to. She was staying in the downstairs guestroom for tonight and possibly the next day as well.  
Tom helped me out of my clothes and then into the bath tub before stripping and getting in behind me.  
"Is the temperature okay?"  
"Perfect." I leaned back against him as his huge hands went down to my ever growing belly. Placing a soft kiss onto my temple he grabbed my body wash with one hand. He poured some into his hand and started to wash me gently. Leaning back more against him, my head against his shoulders and my hands on his muscly thighs, I enjoyed his hands massaging slowly over my body. Closing my eyes as he rubbed gently over my belly I inhaled deeply. Then his hands moved up to my breasts and kneaded them.  
"Sandra?"  
Opening my eyes slowly I looked at him. "What?"  
His glance was on my breasts which he still held in his hands. My eyes followed his and saw a white fluid coming out of my nipples. Damn, how embarrassing. Did he have to see that? I had read about this. Damn. Why now?  
"Well, that's kind of normal. Preparation for the breast feeding."  
"Oh. Do you want to do that?"  
"What? Breast feeding? Why not?"  
"No, that's great."  
"You don't have to be jealous of our son. You'll still be allowed to play with them." I teased him.  
"I'm not. I think it's kind of sexy actually."  
"What? Me becoming a milk factory? Maybe I'll start moo-ing?"  
"Hmm. I don't think so." He squeezed my tits again before he rubbed some body wash over them. He literally washed every inch of my body, the best thing, however, was him washing my sensitiv pussy. Afterwards he even washed my hair which felt amazing.

Pressed against his chest we both had our hands on my belly feeling our baby move a while later smiling at each other.  
"Tom?"  
"Yes, my darling?"  
"What do you think of calling him Jake? Or Jacob?"  
"Jake?"  
"Yes, my grandpa was called Jacob and he was a great man. I really loved him."  
"He is dead?"  
"Yes, almost ten years. Sometimes I really miss him."  
"Sounds good. Jake Wittmann."  
"Or Jake Hiddleston?"  
"What?"  
"Why not? Or don't you want that because of your career? Or him being the son of..."  
"No, that would be great actually. I'm hoping you'll change your lastname someday too."  
"Tom!"  
"I know it's probably too early but I hope you'll marry me someday."  
"Maybe.“ I teased. „How about a middle name for him: Jake Thomas Hiddleston?"  
"I don't know. You never use it anyway. Do you have a middle name?"  
"Yes, I do. Franzine after my grandma."  
"That's a beautiful name."  
"Not suiting for a boy though.“ Our son had moved a bit and was now exactly pressing against my bladder. “Damn. Before we got in here we should have thought about how to get out again. I'll never be able to get out of here by myself."  
"Don't worry my darling, I'll help you."  
"Could we try that, I really need to go to the loo."  
Chuckling he got up behind me stepping out of the tub. Then he turned and reached out his arms and wrapped me in them.  
"Cross your arms behind my neck darling. And here we go."  
He literally tugged me onto my feet quite easily.  
"You know, you don't look it."  
"What?"  
"You don't look so strong, skinny sceleton."  
"Oy!"  
"My skinny, well, not sceleton but... Mr. Sexgod."  
"Oh, shut it. Wouldn't you be pregnant I'd make you pay."  
"Well, maybe you should take a note and save it for later."  
We both laughed and kissed. I was really happy.

At breakfast the next morning the tension between Diana and me seemed to have faded as she apologized again, saying she was happy for both of us. Carefully I said "And you'll be grandmum."  
Her eyes widened and I thought, shit what have I said. But then she began to smile.  
"Yes, I haven't thought about that yet. That's fantastic actually. Have you two bought anything for the baby yet?"  
"No. Oh God, I don't even know what we'll need for him." I felt a slight rush of panic coming up. I had read so many books and didn't even know what we needed. I mean a bed, a pram, diapers and clothes of course but what if we forgot anything.  
"Him?"  
"Oh, yes mum. It's a boy. We'll call him Jake after Sandra's grandpa."  
"Fantastic. Does your dad already know he'll be grandpa?"  
"I actually told him to come by because I didn't want to tell him on the phone but he said he wasn't sure he'd make it this week."  
"Why don't we go and visit him then?"  
"He lives in Oxford. I don't think I want to take you for that car ride as you have to pee every five minutes."  
"True."  
"Listen, I've got a brilliant idea. Why don't we go shopping? Get some baby stuff, I can help you, I mean I had three of them so..."  
"That would be amazing." I sighed in relief, she surely would be quite a big help.

About three hours later the three, or four, of us were standing in a store that literally had everything you could imagine for babies. We had already chosen a baby bed, a pram and a diaper changing table.  
Diana and I were just looking at some bath tubs when an excited Tom came over to us.  
"Oh look what I've found!" Proudly he held up a romper suit with a picture of a Baby-Loki saying "Mummy's little Villain". Diana looked at me and we both started laughing.  
"What? That's cute, isn't it?"  
"Definitely."

Another 15 minutes later I had enough, my feet were hurting like shit as we stood at the check-out. The sales-woman was asking if we would like to take the pram with us right away or if they should deliver it with the rest.  
"Oh, please deliver it with the rest. His Jag might have a lot of hoursepower but in that boot you wouldn't even be able to put a handbag in."  
"That's not true," Tom interfered pouting.  
"Which address should we put for the delivery?"  
Without thinking much I gave Tom's street but couldn't remember the house number or post code. Seeking help I turned and looked into Tom's stunned looking face.  
"What? I don't remem..."  
"Does that mean you'll move in with me?" Only now I realized what I had said and shrugging my shoulders I nodded. "Wonderful!"  
He threw his long arms around me hugging me tightly.   
When we left the shop with huge smiles on our faces holding hands we didn't see the paparazzi on the other side of the street.

In the evening Tom called his dad asking again if he could come round but as he said he didn't have time, he told him on the phone. Tom's expression changed into slight shame, I'd say, after he had told his dad the whole story saying "I know dad. - Yes. - Well, if I could go back in time and change it, I would. - Yes, of course. Hang on." He came towards me handing me the phone "He wants to talk to you."  
Slightly nervous I took the phone "Hello, Mr Hiddleston."  
"Hello, Sandra. And I thought I had told you to call me James?" His quite thick Scottish accent making me think of James McAvoy.  
"Yes, I was just not sure if that's still okay."  
"Of course it is, love. But are you sure you want this moron of my son as father to your child."  
Giggling I answered "Yes. At least he's my moron."  
"He's lucky though that I'm not there. He deserves a view slaps for what he did."  
"Emma kind of did that already."  
“Really?“  
“Yes.“  
"Good girl. Listen, I look if I can make it to London next week. Maybe we can have dinner together."  
"That would be lovely, James."  
"Alright. Then I'll see you soon. And give my son a slap from me, love. Bye."  
"Bye." Still giggling I looked at Tom who was sitting next to me looking quite confused.  
"What was that?"  
"Your dad said I should slap you on his behalf."  
"Well, if you want to? I definitely do deserve it." He closed his eyes and presented his cheek to me but instead of hitting him I pressed a wet kiss onto it.  
"Oh, come here my sweet darling."  
With that he pulled me into his long arms and held me. "Yes, my Cuddleston."

An hour later we got a call from Luke who informed us that the big news was out already. Tom turned on his computer and there we were holding hands.  
"God, I look like a fucking hippo."  
"Oh, don't be stupid, darling. You're just pregnant and if you asked me the hottest pregnant woman on Earth." I wrapped my arms around him and stared at the photo before I began to read the article:  
Actor Tom Hiddleston was spotted today in London holding hands with a unknown, highly pregnant woman. They were shopping in one of London's most exclusive stores for baby equipment. The two of them were accompanied by Hiddleston's mother.  
Did the beau get over his ex so fast? Or was he even together with the young woman when he still was with Miss Hampton?...  
I didn't read any further. "What are you going to do?"  
"Luke will release the statement tomorrow morning instead of Monday. Are you okay?"  
"As long as I've got you by my side. Damn, maybe I should call my dad." I didn't want him to read in the newspaper about this.  
He was so happy to hear from me and said he couldn't wait to meet Tom. He actually would be in London the following week to meet up with some people from the football club he would work for, so we could meet for lunch or dinner.   
I didn't bother to call my mum, however, she didn't really care anyway. If she wanted something she knew my number. I actually hadn't heard from her since I had told her I was pregnant. But I really looked forward to seeing dad.

The world seemed perfect. On Tuesday evening we had dinner with both our dads and they got along really well.   
Everyday during the week we picked up the stuff from my place. Emma wasn't really happy first but then saw the advantage of having a guestroom or if she wanted get a new flat mate.

Friday morning I had an appointment with Doctor Ratcliff. Tom of course came along. We did some check-ups but everything was fine and he allowed me to go back to work on Monday at least for two more weeks.  
Already at the Doctor's I noticed Tom's concerned expression. As we were home and I said I'd call my boss that I would come back Monday, he looked worriedly at me grabbing the arm I held my phone in.  
"Do you really have to?"  
At first I didn't quite know what he wanted "Well, I also just could show up but..."  
"That's not what I meant. Do you really have to go to work?"  
"Don't have to but I want to."  
"But what if something happens?"  
"Like what? The stapler falling onto my foot?"  
"Don't be ridicolous! You know exactly what I mean!"  
"Well, the hospital is closer from my office than from here should I go into labour, you know."  
"But what about the stress on the way there and back. And your job's also quite demanding."  
"Tom, I don't want to sit around at home all day and I want to go back after the baby's here. Not right away but maybe after some months. I still have to talk with my boss about that."  
"But why? You don't need to. I mean I've got enough money for the three of us."  
"Oh, you want me to be your little maid, sitting at home looking after kids and house. Well, I tell you something Mr Middle Ages: you've got the wrong woman for that!" I bawled out at him.  
"God! Sorry, that came out wrong. I totally understand it if you want to work again. You wouldn't have to though. And especially not now before our son is born. I just want to make sure you two are alright."  
"You know, I've been living on my own income since I was 18 and I don't want to give that up. I mean what if you decide you don't want me anymore? What would I do? And to make sure I can keep my job I just want to work as much as possible, get more experience."  
"But the rush hour on the tube everyday and you complain already if you have to stand for longer than five minutes and it surely won't get easier!" Well, he made a point there.  
"Then I'll take a taxi!" I snapped at him ripping my arm from his grip. I turned and walked away dialing my boss' number. I just had dialed and lifted my phone to my ear as I felt Tom's hand on my shoulder.  
"But Sandra you almo..."  
Right then I heard my boss' voice and I didn't listen to Tom any longer.  
"Hey, it's Sandra Wittmann."  
"Oh, hi. How are you? Everything okay?"  
"Yes, brilliant." Tom had walked around me gesturing around trying to tell me I shouldn't do it. Ignoring him I turned around. "I actually wanted to tell you, I'll come back on Monday."  
"Great. We just got a new assignment today, so you'll be a big help on that. Awesome."  
"Looking forward to it. See you Monday then. Have a great weekend."  
"You too. See you Monday. Bye."  
"Bye."

Tom stared angrily at me but before he could even say something I shouted "What's your problem! Fuck!" Tears of anger and rage rolled down my face.  
"I just don't want to loose any of you two." He whispered insecure.  
"You won't. I'm just at work for a couple of hours."  
"But there are so many things that could happen. You said yourself you almost went under a train! You wouldn't even need to be knocked over by someone, just stumble or something." He sounded really angry now as well but I had enough.  
"Why don't you lock me up in a room filled with cotton wool!" I turned and walked up the stairs.  
"Where are you going?"  
"Upstairs. Oh, no! I could fall down! Help!" Sarcastically I snapped at him. What the hell was going on with him?

Once I had reached the first floor I walked down the hallway but instead of going into his - our - bedroom I went down the hall into the guestroom, soon to be the babies room. Thinking about locking the door I eventually decided not to. I put some sheets onto the bed, turned the telly on and lay down, tears starting to roll down my face. Why does everything have to be a fight? He didn't want me to go back to work or do anything by myself. I knew he was worried but even here at his house something could happen. I really could fall down the stairs or stumble over the carpet in the bathroom...   
That was the real world after all and I had had so much bad luck that I hoped it would have been enough. I mean even just laying there the umbilical cord could wrap around the baby's neck and strangle him or there could be an abruption of the placenta.   
And I had thought I was the one panicking but Tom was even worse!   
I focused on the telly distracting me from my thoughts. Funny enough the episode of Grey's Anatomy was up were the pregnant Callie had the accident and crashed through the windscreen of the car. I didn't need to see that now, so I switched the channels, finally settling on an old episode of Shameless (the UK version).

I had been in there almost half an hour and no sign of Tom. Well, that was an improvement. Just to proof me wrong my stomach growled angrily at me. Damn. But I really didn't want to get up and face him again, so I stayed where I was watching telly.  
About an hour later I was slightly napping as there was a knock on the door. I didn't say anything just closed my eyes again. Like he knew exactly what was going on baby Jake started to kick me, sort of telling me off for what I was doing. But I guess I was too stubborn to give in.  
The door opened quietly and I could hear him take some steps towards me.  
"Sandra?" A light whisper.  
First I didn't react but were there tears in his voice? Well, I didn't want to be cruel so I turned around blinking my eyes. He really had been crying, his eyes were still red and his face kind of puffy.  
"What are you doing in here?" Was there fear in his voice?  
"Just needed some time on my own I guess." He nodded looking back at the door but before he could turn to leave I reached my hand out for his. Initially he stared at it confused before he grabbed it. I pulled him onto the bed next to me placing his hand on my belly.  
"He doesn't like us fighting. And neither do I. I understand your concern, really. But I still want to lead my live. It's gonna change massively anyway soon."  
"Yes, you're right. I was maybe thinking I could bring you there in the morning and pick you up when you're done. What do you think?"  
"That's actually a really good idea. Although I'll need a crane to get out of your Jag." I joked. It had been almost impossible to get out of it by now but I had a human crane in Tom.  
"Well, I guess we'll need another car anyway when our son's here."  
"Hmm. Do you think we could keep the Jag though? I'd really love to drive that one day."  
Chuckling he cuddled against me kissing my neck.  
"I love you my Cuddleston."  
Shaking his head lightly he kissed me again and whispered in my ear "I love you too."

In silence we laid there for a while just enjoying each others comfort till I felt a slight itching between my legs as there was a sex scene on the screen.  
"Tom?"  
"Yes, my darling?"  
"Would you consider making love to a moody, fat whale?"  
I expected him to say something like 'Oh, come on. Your not a whale' or 'you're not fat, just pregnant'. Instead he just looked at me studiying my body which annoyed me for some reason.  
"Hey?!"  
"What? I was just thinking whales are generally quite gracile and intelligent."  
"You bastard!"  
I rolled on my back and started hitting him with my flat palms onto the chest until he gripped my wrists and kissed me passionately. First running his tongue over my lips then seeking entrance to my mouth which I was only too happy to grant him. His hand wandered from my belly up to my breast kneading it gently while his tongue explored my mouth. I shifted positions a bit feeling his hard erection against my hip.  
"Do you think we could take that lovely dress of yours off?"  
"You mean the tent?"  
"No, I mean one of that interfering pieces of clothing that prevents my lips from kissing those beautiful large tits of yours."  
"Oh!" I whispered innocently biting my lower lip. "Why don't you help yourself?"  
With an animalistic growl he went down my body and grabbed the hem of my dress, slowly lifting it up, revealing my soaked panties, my huge belly and my covered breasts. I lifted my upper body a bit to assist him taking it off. Carelessly he threw it into a corner and reached behind me for the clasp of my bra.   
Shaking my head lightly I whispered seducingly "Not yet. First you take off a piece of clothing as well."  
Raising a brow he shrugged "Okay fair enough."  
Licking my lips I looked forward to seeing his exposed chest so I could tug on his slight chest hair. To my surprise and shock he reached down and pulled off both socks.  
"Two gone. Now I get to take off another of yours." He grinned from ear to ear.  
"That's not fair!" I protested.  
"Why? You didn't say which piece of clothing. So..."  
"Prick!" Smiling at him I lifted onto my ellbows to make it easier for him to open my bra. Willingly he reached behind me and as I lay back he easily brushed the bra off my shoulders leaving me in my undies... and socks. Grinning I brushed them off with my feet. Two could play this game!  
"Cuddles? I think I'm now two clothings down on you?!" Raising both eye brows and pouting I looked down towards my now naked feet which I actually couldn't see anymore.  
"Oh, mummy wants to play." Licking his lips he quickly brushed off his shirt and sweats. Leaving him like me in his briefs.  
He delved in and started sucking my nipples which were peaking already. Throwing my head back against the mattrass I moaned loudly. I grabbed at his soft, curly hair and pressed him against me. Soooo good!  
Every once in a while he would kiss my lips and neck but mostly he licked and sucked at my tits whilst the fingers of his right hand rubbed over the dampened fabric of my panties. I could have cum almost like that. Almost. And he knew it.  
When I finally couldn't take any more I begged him "Tom, please!"  
"Please, what?"  
"I want you to stick that magnificent cock of yours into my pussy! Now!"  
His jaw dropped and there was a light twitch in his undies. "As you wish. Son, you better close your eyes now."  
Giggling I marveled at him as he first tugged my panties down and then freed his massive erection. I was about to roll onto my side when he stopped me.  
"I want you like that. I want to look at you."   
He grabbed my ankles and tugged me towards the edge of the bed until my hips were resting there, then he widened his stance reducing his height and rubbed his dick up and down my slick folds.  
"Tom!"  
"Mummy is getting a bit impatient, isn't she?"  
"Yes, daddy. Please."  
With a slow thrust he pushed into me which made me scream his name loudly. Initially his thrusts were so damn slow it almost drove me mad but when he couldn't take it any longer himself he sped up a bit, making sure he wasn't too rough.  
He reached for my breasts and gently rolled his thumbs over my nipples making me moan even louder and when he dropped his right hand between my legs and rubbed my clit I finally exploded taking him into the abiss with me.

Heavily panting we cuddled holding each other in the arms while listening to the late summer - early autumn thunder storm.  
"Damn! That was amazing."  
"Oh, yes. Thanks Cuddles."  
"Would you please stop that."  
"Stop what, Cuddles?"  
"Calling me Cuddles!"  
"Why? I need a pet name for you and that happens to be Cuddleston or short Cuddles."  
He wanted to protest but my stomach growled angrily at both of us.  
"Are you hungry?"  
"A bit."  
"Which possibly means you're starving. I'll make us dinner. Any special wishes?"  
"Your Spagetti Bolognese are great."  
Chuckling he stood up and put on his sweats leaving his briefs where they were and as he left the room he pulled his shirt over his chest.  
I stayed on the bed for a bit longer thinking about us, it felt so good to be with him and I was sure every couple had there fights once in a while. I never had fought with Rudy though but that hadn't quite been a relationship anyway.  
In the end I stood up grabbing his briefs. Sceptically looking at them I finally pulled them up my legs. Good that they were cotton otherwise I never would have been able to get them over my round ass. Like that I left the room walking downstairs to surprise my chef.

Monday morning came and Tom was a huge help. First we showered together and while I dried my hair and got dressed he made breakfast. He quickly got dressed while I began to eat. Soon he came back dressed in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. We finished eating together and then he brought me to work in his Jag.   
Pulling up outside my office building he quickly got out and sprinted round the car and literally lifted me out. We stood there for a while kissing and whispering sweet nothings at each other. I also had to promise him that I'd call him when I didn't feel well and when I was about to finish so he could pick me up again. We said good-bye and he left.

Everyone in the office was absolutely lovely and happy that I was back - at least they said so. We had loads of work and the day went by in a blur.

At about five I called Tom telling him he should pick me up in half an hour. My assistant accompanied me down and headed towards the tube while I waited in front of the door for my chauffeur. I was so startled when Tom suddenly stood right in front of me. Where the hell did he come from?  
"Hey, you two. Had a good day?"  
"Cheez Tom!"  
"Sorry love. I thought you saw me sitting in the car."  
Confused I looked around searching for the familiar frame of his sports car which was nowhere to be seen.  
"Come on lets get you home. You must be exhausted."  
I actually was ready to faint but I wouldn't tell him that. He led me towards a black SUV and opened the door for me. Confused I glared at him.  
"Well, I've bought us a new family car. Loads of space for a pram and more in the back."  
My jaw dropped and I stared at him disbelievingly.  
"You don't like it?"  
"No. I mean, yes. It's awesome. Thank you daddy."  
We kissed before he helped me in which was way easier than with the Jag and we sped off home. 

The next three days were pretty much the same but then came Friday. In the morning everything was normal but in the late afternoon when I left the office, there was a huge crowd of paparazzi. Fuck! Flashes blinded me as I stepped through the door and onto the pavement. Questions were thrown at me "Is Tom the father of your child?", "Are you getting married?", "When is the baby due?", etc. I couldn't see anything but a mass of people. Where was Tom?  
Finally I had made it to the curb looking for our new SUV which was nowhere to be seen. I panicked and wanted to rush back inside just when he pulled up next to me. Swearing and shouting as he got out, he ran over towards me. He helped me in and luckily soon we were off.  
"Fucking shit! How on Earth did they know?"  
"I don't know." My hands were shaking.  
"Are you okay darling? Should I bring you to the hospital?"  
"No, lets just get home please."  
"Sure."

The pictures where all over the media during the weekend. Maybe Tom was right and I just should stay at home. But if I was with him I surely would have to get used to that.  
So when Monday came I was ready to fight with Tom again that I would be allowed to go back to work. Unexpectedly it was the total opposite. We went through our morning routine and on the way to my office he asked if there maybe was a back entrance where he could drop me off or pick me up.  
I said I didn't know but I would ask and then call him.  
Luckily I found out there was an underground parking lot and we managed to leave without being seen.   
Tuesday Tom had to do some PR so I took a Taxi home.

Then came Wednesday. The morning was as usual and we had almost finished the planning of another big movie premiere. My colleagues told me they wanted to make a baby party on Friday afternoon for me and maybe Tom could come as well. Giggling I said I'd ask him.   
In the afternoon I had an appointment with my boss to talk about how everything would work once the baby was here. I kind of feared the talk. What if he said he didn't need me any longer? Loads of simular thoughts ran through my head when there was a knock on my door.  
"Sandra, can you go over to the West End and check out a new bar which may serve us as a new After Party location?"  
"Yes, boss. Sure."  
That was a good sign, wasn't it? He wouldn't ask me if he wanted to fire me.  
"The cab will be here any minute. I wanted to go myself but I've got an important telephone conference."  
"It's okay. I can deal with it. For what kind of After Party are we aiming?"  
"Well, just have a look and tell me what you think is possible there."  
"Okay." I slowly stood up grabbing my jacket. It was quite a dreadful day. Typical English autumn day but it was only early September.  
I walked towards the elevators stopping at our reception desk.  
"You don't happen to have a spare umbrella?" I didn't want to get soaked through and catch a cold.  
"Sure, here."  
"Thanks. See you later."

Right when I exited a cabby came towards me.  
"Are you Miss Wittmann?"  
"Yes."  
"Good."  
He led me to the waiting car and helped me in. I buckled up which nobody really did in a cab but you'd never know.  
"Where are we going Miss?"  
I gave him the address and he pulled into the traffic. London traffic was always a nightmare nevermind the rainy days... Slowly we made our way towards the West End. I texted Alex as I hadn't heard from her for about two weeks when suddenly there were screeching tires and honking all around me followed by a loud "pang" and as heavy wave of pain shot through me everything became black...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think one more chapter to come...


	12. Horror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's what happens after the accident!  
> It's getting quite emotional.

Tom's POV

I had been to the gym working out a bit, first I had wanted to go for a run but it was raining cats and dogs. Sitting on the sofa I tried to read but couldn't quite concentrate. My thoughts always came back to Sandra. I normally wasn't that overprotective and I had no idea where it came from. So I grabbed my stuff and drove to the gym. After working out a couple of hours I was shocked to see it was already 1.30 pm. I showered and drove back home just in case Sandra wanted to be picked up earlier.   
She had been quite exhausted the whole last week, of course she didn't say a word but I just knew. When she went to bed we usually talked for a bit but she had already passed out until I had changed and brushed my teeth.  
Once home I jumped in the shower (un)fortunately some thoughts of our common shower from Sunday came rushing back to me. I had woken with a hard-on and walked silently to the bathroom thinking she was still sleeping. She had sneaked in behind me wrapping her arms around my waist as good as she could with her huge baby belly. She looked so sexy. Startled I turned and she had a broad grin on her face. I had turned and bent down to kiss her. Our lips meeting she had reached down for my erection and began to stroke it.   
"You don't have to do this, darling."  
"But I want to!"  
It hadn't taken me long to come in her hand.

Thinking about that I was hard almost instantly. Fuck! And to my misery right that moment my phone rang. Swearing I got out of the shower trying to wrap a towel around my hips which didn't quite work - guess why.  
But it was only Luke who wanted to remind me of the interview I had the next day. Luckily that "calmed" me down and I finished showering. Somehow it was still kind of unbelievable for me that the mere thought of her drove me that crazy.   
After I got dressed I gathered our laundry when the phone rang again. Unknown caller. Normally I wouldn't pick up but it could be Sandra.  
"Hello?"  
"Mr Hiddleston?"  
"Yes. Who's there?"  
"My name is Doctor Emily Winston. Your girlfriend is Sandra Wittmann?"  
My hand started shaking as her voice didn't sound like she had any good news. “I knew it“, was the first thing that shot through my head. This couldn't end well. What the hell had happened?   
"Yes," an almost unhearable whisper.  
"Miss Wittmann had an accident. She was in a cab and another car crashed into it. I've just brought her to the OR. She's stable at the moment. But we'll probably have to deliver the baby..."  
I felt dizzy. Why did this have to happen? What have we done to deserve this?   
"Mr Hiddleston? Are you still there?"  
"Yes. Sorry. Which hospital did you say?"  
"St. James'. That's..."  
"I know. I'll hurry."   
I didn't wait for a reply. Dropping everything where it was I ran to the door getting the car keys for the Jag, obviously. Sprinting down the stairs and into the garage I barely noticed the rain. Once inside the car I started the engine, pressed the button for the automatic door and pushed the pedal down.  
Not bothering about the speed limit I drove towards the city. It almost felt like I was watching someone else steer the car through the streets.

About ten minutes after I had left, there were some blue flash lights behind me. Police! Fuck! I pulled over and opened the window. Soon a young woman and a middle-aged man in uniform where next to my window.  
In a strict voice the man started "Good afternoon. Do you know how fast you were going? Are you on a..."  
Then he finally looked at me and stopped. Here we go, I thought, maybe I would come off with a selfie and an autograph after all. But to my surprise he asked "Are you okay Sir?"  
Only then I realised I was crying, silently but nevertheless. I swallowed a huge lump in my throat and tried to speak, my voice definitely not sounding like my own.   
"My girlfriend's...had an...accident...she's in the...hospital. And the baby..."  
After that I completely broke down sobbing like a child.   
They were talking to each other but I didn't - or couldn't - quite listen to them. I was thinking what if she dies? Or the baby?! Or the worst case both of them?! No, I wouldn't survive that.  
"Sir? Sir?" The young girl shook me lightly. "Why don't you move over and let me drive you? My colleague will drive ahead with the siren on."  
I didn't quite care as long as I got to the hospital as soon as possible so I opened the door and quickly went round the car getting into the passenger side. She already sat behind the wheel grinning. Yeah, I had the same stupid grin when I drove it for the first time.  
The police car passed us and she hit the accelerator grinning even wider. Had the situation not been so serious, I would have joked with her.

After about another ten minutes we finally pulled up in front of the hospital. Without saying anything I opened the door and ran in as fast as I could. Entering the emergency room I almost knocked over several people but luckily only almost. At the reception desk sat a very young girl who looked like she hadn't even finished school yet. I ran towards her wanting to ask her about Sandra but even before I was at her desk her jaw dropped and she squeaked loudly.   
Everyone around turned towards us. Damn! The last thing I wanted was draw attention. I raised my hand in order to calm her.  
"Mr Hiddleston, come this way."  
A woman in her mid 50's came from my right grabbing my arm and leading me down the hall.  
"I'm Doctor Winston. I've called you."  
"Yes, of course. How is she? And the baby!"  
"I don't know, yet. When I checked about five minutes ago they were still at it." She led me down the hall and into an elevator.   
"Miss Wittmann was unconcious when she was brought in. Her left arm is severly fractured, some rips bruised and she probably has a concussion. But she was stable. The taxi driver was brought in as well."  
"What was she doing in a cab anyway?"  
"I don't know." With a “bing” the door opened and she led me straight to another reception desk.  
"Hi Amy. Anything new about the young woman?"  
"Doctor Winston," she looked over at me a hint of recognition in her eyes, "yes, Doctor Furgos just brought the baby to the NICU. Looked good though. And the others are still in the OR."  
"Still?" She furrowed her brows which definitely didn't look too comforting. I ran my hands over my tear-stained face. This must be a bad dream.  
"Why don't you sit down and I quickly go in and check on her? Or even better, Amy will bring you to your baby?!"  
Not quite knowing what to do I just shrugged my shoulders. The two women talked but in my ears it wasn't more than a whisper and even that sounded like it was miles away, instead I heard my heart hammering like a jack-hammer.  
The woman, Amy, stood up and walked round the counter while the Doctor disappeared behind some double doors. Looking where she went I felt Amy tug on my arm.  
"This way. He looked really good, they weren't in a rush when they brought him out which is always a good sign." My hands were shaking even more than before. "Do you want some medication to calm you down?"  
"No, I don't think so." At least my voice sounded more like my own again.

We stopped in front of some glass doors where she knocked slightly and waved at a nurse who came immediately over to us.   
"Hi Amy. What's up?"  
"Doctor Furgos just brought a baby in. That's...ahm...the father?"  
I looked from her back to the nurse slightly nodding to confirm that.  
"Oh, okay. Come in Mr...?"  
She didn't know me? Quite refreshing actually.   
"Tom. Just Tom's fine."  
"Okay Tom. I'm Keira. Do you want to see your little boy?"  
My eyes grew wide at the thought of seeing my, no, our son, for the first time. Nodding I stared at her.  
"Good, then lets get you into some steril clothes." She brought me into a small changing room where she handed me a gown and those things you put over your shoes. Damn, I was still wearing my slippers, a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt. Seeing that she grinned.  
"Left the house in a bit of a hurry, huh?"  
"Yes." Tears were flowing again I couldn't stop it.  
"Don't worry. She'll surely be fine. Ready?"  
Inhaling deeply I nodded and stood back up. I followed her down the hall and then she opened the door to another room. Little glass boxes all over the room, they kind of looked like aquariums. Some were separated by a curtain. We walked past one with a baby in it that wasn't much bigger than my hand, so I prepared for the worst. We neared a group of people who were talking about some medical stuff, all of them dressed in Doctors# and nurses' clothes.  
"Doctor Furgos?"

A man in his early 40's turned and looked at us. But what I saw behind him made me nearly faint: a baby a bit bigger than the other one, this one, however, surrounded by machines and monitors. No! I surely wasn't strong enough for that.

"Yes, sure. I'll be right with you. Keira, would you bring him over to his son?"  
"Of course."  
She grabbed my hand and led me away. A sigh of relief leaving my lungs.  
"Poor thing. The mother gave birth and then dumped the little fellow in a public toilet. What a shame. Here we are, the little guy's quite active. And absolutely gorgeous."  
When I saw the little human in the glass box I felt my eyes watering again, this time in astonishment. He was playing with his fingers then like he wanted to say he was tired he rubbed his eye with a tiny fist.  
"Do you have a name already?" She smiled at me widely.  
Nodding I tried to say it but couldn't at first, I cleared my throat and said "Jake."  
"That's a beautiful name." She grabbed some sheets and wrote something then opened one side of the box and wrote something onto the plastic wristband. Despite that the little creature only wore a nappy and on his left arm was some sensor.  
"Tom, I'm Doctor Furgos."  
I glanced over at him and we shook hands.  
"Your son's looking really good. Even a bit big for the early 34th week. He's 16.5 inches big and 2200 gram heavy. He's breathing without help and screaming when he doesn't like something. We only want to check the oxygen saturation for a couple of days. Do you want to hold him?"  
"I..." Sandra! She should hold him. "Do you know anything about Sandra? Is she alright?"  
"Well, when I was in the OR her arm was being fixed, it had been broken in three places. Unfortunately she was bleeding quite heavily due to a abruption of the placenta which was why we had to get the young man here out. But the gynecologist had everything under control. I'm sure she'll be fine."  
Right then little Jake started comlaining by screaming as loud as he could.  
"Shhhh, little baby." Keira came over and got him out of the box wrapping him in a fluffy blanket. "Do you want your daddy?" She and the Doctor looked at me and I suddenly found myself nodding.  
"Hold your arms like I do. Make sure you've got his head." Slowly she put the little thing into my arm. "That's it. I'll get you a chair."  
With that she turned and left me alone with the Doctor who stepped closer and reached for the little hand of the baby. In wonder I watched as the little fingers closed around one of his. Then it struck me like lightning: This was my son! Suddenly I felt a bit dizzy. Could this really be happening? But it shouldn't be like that!  
Keira returned with a rocking chair and gratefully I sat down.  
"Shhhh, Jake. I know you want your mummy but she's not here right now." And then I started to sing to him, I don't know why, I just did: Yellow by Coldplay one of her favorite songs. And it seemed to work as he soon stopped screaming and started yawning.   
We had actually sang the song to him when he was kicking at night and Sandra couldn't sleep because of it. Well, looked like he remembered.

He had just closed his eyes slumbering when Doctor Winston came in with another woman dressed in an awful turquoise, well, pyjamas.  
They came over to me smiling. They must have good news then, I thought.  
"Mr Hiddleston, this is Doctor Moore. She performed the surgery your girlfriend."  
"Hi, but just call me Tom, okay?"  
"Sure."  
"Hi. Looking good, the little one. Listen, I've just finished the surgery and Sandra is going to be alright. She lost a lot of blood but that's no problem. Her left arm has been broken but also that will heal. She's also got a concussion. But let me tell you it could have been worse."  
I nodded. She wasn't able to see or hold our son that was worse enough for me. "Can I see her?"  
"In a bit. She's on the ICU and still sedated. But in about an hour she should be up. We'll get you then. For now just stay with your little boy. Congratulations by the way."  
"Thanks," I didn't feel nearly as happy as I could be but still "Has anyone called her father?"  
"No, you were listed as her emergency contact. Do you have the number?"  
"At home. Or in her mobile."  
"The police still have her stuff. We'll contact them."  
"Thanks."  
"Do you know if she wanted to breast feed?" Confused I rose my brow. What did that have to do with the whole situation?  
"We'll have to use different medication then."  
"Yeah. She wanted to try."   
I had to think about her standing in the kitchen and holding an empty milk bottle in hand. I had the stupid habit of putting the empty bottles or containers bach in the fridge which drove her mad. Grinning she'd said "Well, in a couple of weeks we can't run out of milk anymore." We both had burst out laughing. Now tears started to well up in my eyes. She just must be okay!

Two hours later I was still sitting in the rocking chair watching little Jake sleep. I thought I should be the happiest guy on the planet but tears of fear and helplessness ran unstoppable down my face.  
"Tom?" Keira stood next to me placing a hand on my shoulder.  
"Yes?"  
"Two officers are outside. They have Sandra's stuff."  
"Okay, good. Have you heard anything from her?"  
"No, I'm sorry. But I call the ICU and check."  
Nodding I got up slowly reaching for little Jakes arm. "I'll be back soon."

Running my hands over my face I brushed away my tears as I went out into the hallway where two policemen in uniforms stood.  
"Mr Hiddleston, we brought Miss Wittmann's stuff. We actually tried to inform her mother but she wasn't home."  
"Okay." They handed me her handbag and her mobile, the screen was broken but as I pushed the on/off button it came to life. Good. "What happened?"  
"She was in a taxi and at a crossroads another car drove at red lights directly into the side of the taxi. Luckily she wasn't sitting on that side. How is she?"  
"I don't know." More tears ran down my face.  
"Oh, before I forget," he reached into his pocket and pulled out my car keys "With best regards from our colleagues. Your car is on our parking lot. You'll get a ticket for speeding, though. Here is the address of the car park where you can pick it up."  
I took my keys and the card from him and nodded. I couldn't care less.  
"Best wishes for you and your girlfriend. Oh, and the baby."  
"Thanks."

When they had disappeared into the lift I unlocked her phone searching for her dads number. However, I didn't find it under dad, neither under his first name Michael. Damn.  
I opened her texts looking for a hint. And soon I found it. He had sent her a message this morning:  
-Finally moving to London next week. Hope to see you. Love dad.-  
She had him listed under McD M, shaking my head lightly I called him and he picked up after the second ring.  
"Hey darling. How are you feeling?"  
"Michael, it's Tom. Something happened, Sandra was in an accident."  
"Oh my God! Is she alright?"  
"Honestly I don't know. I haven't heard anything for about two hours. Your grandson is okay, however."  
"But it's too early."  
"Yes, but they didn't have a choice. She was bleeding. They said she would be alright and wanted to let me see her an hour ago but nothing. I..."  
I broke down slumping onto the floor phone still pressed to my ear.  
"Tom! Please, calm down. She's a fighter, always been, kicking and biting older and taller boys. Which hospital is it?"  
"St. James'."  
"Okay. I'll try and get a helicopter. If you hear something please call."  
"Sure." A helicopter? Seriously?

For a while I sat there on the floor, my head thrown back against the wall trying not to freak out. Closing my eyes I hoped that this was only a bad dream and that I would wake any second.  
"Tom?" Keira's voice startled me. Opening my eyes I stared into her worried looking face.  
"What is it?"  
"I've just spoken to the head nurse of the ICU, she said that Sandra has been brought back to the OR after a CT. She doesn't know more but will try and send a Doctor over to inform you. She actually couldn't quite believe no one has spoken to you."  
Jumping up to my feet as fast as I could I almost fell back down as my head was spinning. Putting my hand against the wall steadying myself I closed my eyes.  
"I'll get you a glass of water and something to eat. Come on, there are some chairs around the corner. Do you need support?"  
"No. Thank you."

I sat down and waited for her to come back. Damn, I also should call my family and she surely needed some stuff. It felt like a pile of rocks was pressing down on me.  
Two people came down the hall one of them was one of the Doctors I had seen before but couldn't quite remember her name. The other one was dressed in a black suit, white shirt and dark blue tie. They came straight to me.  
"Tom, that's the hospital's publicist Aaron Strong."  
"Hello, nice to meet you." I shook his hand. What the hell do they want with their publicist? Was she dead and they thought we'd better issue a statement? My breathing sped up almost to the point of hyperventilation.  
"Tom? Are you alright?"  
"She can't be dead. Please."  
Doctor Moore, at least that stood on her lab coat, furrowed her brows.  
"What do you mean? Haven't you seen her yet?"  
"No, and the nurse just said she's in the OR again. What the hell is going on?"  
"I'm afraid I don't know anything about that. But I'll quickly run and check." She literally ran and disappeared around the corner.  
"Mr Hiddleston, why I'm here is because there are loads of journalists downstairs. And I wanted to clear with you if we should give them any information or a statement."  
"Just Tom's fine. And honestly right now I couldn't care less about some bloody journalists as you might understand."  
"Yes, sure. But our experience is that if they don't get any information they'll try other ways. Like sneak in."  
"Alright, I'll call my own publicist and you can work something out with him."  
"Okay. Here is my card so he can call me. I hope everything will be fine."  
"Thanks."  
Finally he left me alone. Thank God!

A few moments later Keira returned with a tray of food. She sat down next to me saying she could use a break as well.  
We talked about her job and that it would be to emotionally hard for me when Doctor Moore came rushing back. She sat down in the chair on my other side. Full of expectation I looked at her.  
"They've just finished. The CT showed a minor bleeding and they had brought her right to the OR. But she's fine. You can go see her in about half an hour."  
Relieved I took a deep breath. Good.

I quickly called her dad and told him. He seriously had managed to get a helicopter and said he would be here in about an hour. I also called Luke, my mum, dad and Emma asking her to stop at our place and pick up some stuff.  
And thirty minutes later I was actually picked up by another Doctor, a neurosurgeon, and brought to Sandra.

First I was utterly shocked by all the wires and tubes connected to her. She also had some cuts on the face, her arm was in a cast from the shoulder to her hand, a bandage wrapped around her head and her belly was flat once more, but not as flat as it used to be of course.  
"Sandra?"  
"She's sleeping right now. Just give her some time to recover but she will be fine."  
I sat down on her right holding the non-injured hand. Like that I sat there for what felt like an eternity but actually it wasn't much longer than half an hour.  
A nurse came in and smiled at me, she checked the monitors, put a new infusion in her arm and lit a small torch to check her eyes.

"Sandra? I don't know if you can hear me but our son is absolutely gorgeous. And he can't wait to meet you. And I miss you too. What on Earth were you doing in a cab? If you wanted to come home you'd just had to call. That's not a accusation, I'm just... I don't know. Oh, by the way, I've called your dad, he'll be here soon too. With a helicopter. Can you believe that?"

The door opened again. Didn't they know how to knock? Another nurse this time she held some weird devices. She pulled the blanket back and revealed Sandra's naked chest. She pressed one of the things in her hand against her right breast.  
Confused I asked "What are you doing?"  
"Well, the baby's hungry and Doctor Furgos said as she wants to breast feed I should get some milk."  
"Fuck! She's not a bloody cow!" I don't know why I was so angry but I was nevertheless. Probably because that wasn't how it was supposed to be at all.  
"Tom," Doctor Moore stood in the door "calm down. That's usual practice. It's better to start feeding mother's milk, than something else. Because often the babies don't drink the it if they've been fed something else first."  
"Yeah, sorry. It's just not...right, I guess."  
"I know. But once she's conscious she can do it herself."

Doctor Moore inspected the incision on her belly while she was "milked".  
"Do you want to feed your son?"  
"Ahm. I...don't know. I don't want to leave her alone."  
"Her father just arrived. He can stay with her."  
"Okay, then." I stood up kissing her cheek. "I'll be back soon, my love."

 

_________________

Sandra's POV

I felt so sleepy. All around me there were voices.  
My belly and head hurt but that pain was nothing compared to my arm. As something touched my breast I tried to open my eyes. What was going on? There was a light tugging on it and more voices. However, I couldn't quite understand them.

"Fuck! She's not a bloody cow!"   
Was that Tom? No idea. I felt so exhausted...

***

The next time I woke the pain in my arm was even worse, so I totally forgot about my head and belly. Fighting not to scream I tried to open my eyes. But just as before they didn't obey me. I also tried to move my hand or head but they didn't do as I wanted them to either. What was going on?  
I heard the door open and someone came in.  
"Tom, darling?"  
A female voice, for a moment I didn't know who it was.  
"Mum? What time is it?"  
Ah, yes. Diana, of course.  
"It's 9.30. I've just visited my grandson. He's absolutely gorgeous."  
"Hmm."  
"She hasn't woken yet?"  
"No. The Doctors say they don't know why either. Michael wants to bring in some specialist." The last words sounded kind of muffled.  
"Oh, darling. I'm sure she'll be alright. Her body probably just needs more rest. They wouldn't have put her onto a normal section if she wouldn't be okay."

Some moments later the door opened again.  
"Hi Tom. She's still sleeping?" An unknown female voice.  
I wanted to say "no, I'm not." But as the rest of my body my mouth didn't obey me either.  
"No. Do you have any idea why?"  
"Probably the stress. Her body just isn't ready yet."  
I felt a wave of cold air as the blanket was lifted from my chest.  
"I'll wait outside, darling."  
"Okay mum."  
An even colder wave of air washed over my belly, then there was a sudden wave of pain.  
"The stitches look good. They'll be healed soon."  
The sound of plastic dangling against each other made me wonder what they were doing then I felt my breasts being exposed.  
"Is this really necessary? I mean why don't you just bring Jake here, I could hold him."  
"Well, that's not like we usually do it."  
"But it would be possible? I mean you could bring the baby bed in here so he could have contact with his mum."  
"I'll talk to Doctor Furgos if that would be okay."  
"Thank you."

I felt his wonderful warm hand on mine squeezing lightly. Then sleep grabbed me again...

***

Was that a baby crying? I heard some voices around me but all of them muffled and I couldn't understand a word. Once more my arm was killing me.

"I think he's hungry." Another foreign female voice proclaimed. "Do you want to try?"  
"Yes, okay. How do we do this?"  
"Just hold him to her breast. Usually babies instinctively know where they have to look for their food, so to speak."  
"Okay. Come on Jake, that's your mummy. You fell asleep on her chest yesterday, don't you remember?"  
"Sometimes it helps if you squeeze the nipple a bit to get some milk out."  
I felt fingers on my chest and wanted to protest but again I found myself helpless. Then I felt a sudden pain in my left breast, someone sucked on it really hard. Was that our son? Was that possible?  
"Great. Look you can actually see him drinking. I'll get a pillow for breastfeeding so you don't have to hold him all the time."

"That's it. Sandra he's a natural. Why don't you open your beautiful eyes and watch him. And you can watch me being jealous."  
Oh, Tom. My Tom. My Cuddleston. I really wanted to but it didn't work no matter how hard I tried. Eventually I fell asleep again.

***

I woke and felt totally rested. My arm was throbbing in pain. Slowly I blinked my eyes, quickly closing them again because of the bright light. Moments later I tried again and my eyes slowly accustomed to the bright light. I was in a bed, not the one at home. My left arm was in a thick cast. Across from me I saw my dad napping in a big armchair.  
My eyes wandered back on my body: my baby belly was gone. Fuck! What had happened? I slightly panicked as I didn't remember anything.   
The last thing I knew was that I had woken wrapped in Tom's long arms.  
But then I heard a light babbling from my left and I turned my head.

And what I saw there melted my heart: Tom was lying on his back, eyes closed and on his chest wrapped in his hands was a little baby that looked right at me. I just had to smile which made the little one babble even more excitedly than before.  
"Hey, Jake. What's up?" Tom opened his sleepy looking eyes and looked at the infant.  
"Tom?"  
His head spun around and when our eyes met I could see tears welling up in his eyes.  
"Sandra! You're awake! Look, mummy's awake."  
Graciously as always he got up our son in his hands and came the few steps over to me. I looked from Tom to the little one and back, stunned at the sight of both of them before me.  
"Do you want to hold him?"  
I nodded reaching for him with my right hand.  
"Hang on. I'll put him onto your chest then you can hold him. There we go."  
Tom placed him onto my chest and I touched him with my hand stroking over his little head. Right then I realised he was wearing the 'Mummy's Little Vilain' rompers and I had to smile.  
"He's so small."  
Jake looked up at me and once again my heart melted as I saw his beautiful face.  
"He's actually gained almost 1 kg in about a week and grown about three inches."  
Tom had walked over to my right side and sat down there. He leaned in and first he kissed my cheek but then I turned my head and our lips met.   
"About a week?" I asked shocked. "What happened?"  
"You don't remember?" I only shook my head. "You had an accident. Some guy crashed into the cab you were in. Your boss sent you on a mission. They had to get Jake out because you were bleeding. You arm had been broken and you had a light bleeding in your brain. Then you didn't wake up and no one knew why."  
"Shit!"  
He chuckled and shook his head "Language Miss!" My dad had woken and was now stepping beside Tom smiling down at us.  
We kissed again, with tongue this time and like he wanted to tell us that was not okay, little Jake started to cry.  
"I think he's hungry." Tom grinned.  
"Okay, I'll be out then. See you in a bit darling." My dad leaned down and kissed my cheek before he left the room. Tom got a huge white fluffy thing from my bedside.  
"What on Earth is that?"  
"A breastfeeding pillow."  
I rose my brow looking at him. Still grinning he reached for the left top of my hospital gown and opened it exposing my bare tits. Little Jake almost instantly went for my left nipple but Tom held him back.   
"You had that one the last time. Over here Jakey." Tom grabbed his head and placed him on my right breast.  
"It's not like one side's chocolate and the other van..." Then his little mouth started sucking and I gasped in surprise of how hard he sucked. "Damn! Little vampire."  
Tom chuckled and kissed my cheek again while our little son drank.

I've never felt this happy before. My perfect, little family!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it for now. Maybe I'll make a series out of it but I'll need a plot for that first...  
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
